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Tuesday, March 28, 2017

...

sometimes we :) to hide the :(

S-E-X!

Gay couple together in bed
1. Sex is a beauty treatment. Scientific tests find that when women make love they produce amounts of the hormone estrogen, which makes hair shine and skin smooth. For men the hormone testosterone is increased, giving you the development of muscle bulk and strength.

2. Gentle, relaxed lovemaking reduces your chances of suffering dermatitis, skin rashes and blemishes. The sweat produced cleanses the pores and makes your skin glow.

3. Lovemaking can burn up those calories you piled on during that romantic dinner.

4. Sex is one of the safest sports you can take up. It stretches and tones up just about every muscle in the body. It's more enjoyable than swimming 20 laps, and you don't need special sneakers!

5. Sex is an instant cure for mild depression. It releases endorphins into the bloodstream, producing a sense of euphoria and leaving you with a feeling of well-being.

6. The more sex you have, the more you will be offered. The sexually active body gives off greater quantities of chemicals called pheromones. These subtle sex perfumes drive the opposite sex (or same sex!) crazy!

7. Sex is the safest tranquilizer in the world. IT IS 10 TIMES MORE EFFECTIVE THAN VALIUM.

8. Kissing each day will keep the dentist away. Kissing encourages saliva to wash food from the teeth and lowers the level of the acid that causes decay, preventing plaque buildup.

9. Sex actually relieves headaches. A lovemaking session can release the tension that restricts blood vessels in the brain.

10. A lot of lovemaking can unblock a stuffy nose. Sex is a natural antihistamine. It can help combat asthma and hay fever.

Sex Or Smokes


Hot Guy
Most smokers in Europe would find it easier to give up sex for a month than cigarettes and many view even bungee jumping or parachuting as less difficult than kicking the habit.

A survey of more than 2,000 smokers shows just how addictive nicotine is when 62 percent of smokers in six European countries said they felt the New Year is a good time to quit, but only three percent used it as a trigger to stop.

"In every single country the vast majority of smokers want to stop," says Dr Alex Bobak, of the anti-smoking group SCAPE.

"The motivation is there but they don't go about it in the right way."

Nearly 80 percent of British smokers, almost 70 percent in the Netherlands, France and Germany and more than 55 percent in the Belgium and Spain would forgo sex rather than live without cigarettes for a month.

Although 60 percent of European smokers said they would try to quit if it affected their love life, 35 percent of smokers admitted they have never attempted to stop smoking.

Fear of health problems was the biggest motivator to quit, followed by concerns for their family and the cost of cigarettes but 62 percent who tried to quit began smoking again within a month.

What Do Animals Read?

Today's Predator
Now you know!

AURA, une expérience lumineuse au cœur de la Basilique Notre-Dame de Montréal


With it dazzling combination of blue and gold, the Basilica is a place like no other in Montreal...
once seen, never forgotten.

Monday, March 27, 2017

St. Barbie

St. Barbie-oil on canvas by Mark Ryden.
-oil on canvas by Mark Ryden. (Mark Ryden was born on January 20, 1963 in Medford, Oregon, but grew up in Southern California. He received a B.F.A. in 1987 from Art Center College of Design in Pasadena, California.)

Mark's paintings instantly trigger a warped deja vu. His work recalls a parallel universe of 1950s Golden Books and the whimsy of Lewis Carroll. His cheery bunnies, rendered in the glowing hues of children’s books, are likely to be carving slabs of meat rather than frolicking in the forest. Ryden’s work mingles superb technique with outre images to create a world of strange and disturbing beauty. “At once intriguing and unsettling, baffling and enchanting, [Ryden’s] works ... are subtle amalgams of many sources and influences as wide-ranging as Psychedelic and Vienna School artists Neon Park and Ernst Fuchs, to classical French formalists Ingres and David.” --Rick Gilbert-Panik

Ten reasons to go to work naked..actually 11...

Top 10
1. Your boss is always yelling, "I wanna see your ass in here by 8:00!"

2. Can take advantage of computer monitor radiation to work on your tan.

3. Inventive way to finally meet that hottie in Human Resources.

4. "I'd love to chip in, but I left my wallet in my pants."

5. To stop those creepy guys in Marketing from looking down your blouse.

6. You want to see if it's like the dream.

7. So that-with a little help from Muzak-you can add "Exotic Dancer" to your already exaggerated resume.

8. People stop stealing your pens after they've seen where you keep them.

9. Diverts attention from the fact that you also came to work stoned.

10. Gives "bad hair day" a whole new meaning.

11. No one steals your chair.

"Man CAN Be Replaced..."

Whaaaat???

3170 hot dogs

Sunday, March 26, 2017

The Scorpions Taste Kinda Fishy

Eating a scorpion

NEW YORK -- Crickets do not taste like chicken.

But sauté them with a little olive oil and some spices and they are surprisingly edible, with a nice crunch and a subtle nut flavor. Their little legs do tend to get stuck between your teeth, though.

The nutty goodness of crispy crickets aside, few of the attendees at Adventures in the Global Kitchen, the first in a series of planned programs on global cuisine held at Manhattan's American Museum of Natural History, seemed fully converted to the joys of eating insects, despite the array of tempting tidbits featuring bugs that were set out for tasting Tuesday night.

"Eating bugs is disgusting," said 11-year-old Bill Eggers, who attended the event. "It's OK to do it on a dare, but otherwise I don't want to eat any bugs."

Happily, for the squeamish, the insects weren't the main course. For the most part they were used as garnishes, tastefully tucked into trail mix and tamales and plopped on top of pizzas.

Most didn't have much of a taste -- deep-fried grubs are all crunch and no flavor, though they do literally melt in your mouth. Ants have a lemony snap, though some are sour and vinegary. But tarantulas are surprisingly tasty, rather similar to crab meat. Then again, spiders aren't insects -- and neither are the bitter and vaguely fishy-tasting scorpions that topped the sushi rolls.

Quiz!

Question
Question 1:

If you knew a woman who was pregnant, who had 8 kids already, three who were deaf, two who were blind, one mentally retarded, and she had syphilis, would you recommend that she have an abortion?

Read each question before looking below for the answers.

Question 2:
It is time to elect a new world leader, and only your vote counts. Here are the facts about the three candidates.

Candidate A.
Associates with crooked politicians, and consults with astrologist He's had two mistresses. He also chain smokes and drinks 8 to 10 martinis a day.

Candidate B.
He was kicked out of office twice, sleeps until noon, used opium in college and drinks a quart of whiskey every evening.

Candidate C.
He is a decorated war hero. He's a vegetarian, doesn't smoke, drinks an occasional beer and never cheated on his wife.

Which of these candidates would be your choice? Decide first...no peeking, until you decide. Look down for the answers!


ANSWERS FROM THE QUIZ



Candidate A is Franklin D. Roosevelt. Candidate B is Sir Winston Churchill.
Candidate C is Adolph Hitler.

And, by the way, on your answer to the abortion question:

If you said YES you just killed Beethoven.


Pretty interesting isn't it? Makes a person think before judging someone.

"Never be afraid to try something new."

Remember: Amateurs...built the ark. Professionals...built the Titanic

And Finally, can you imagine working for a company that has a little more than 500 employees and has the following statistics:

* 29 have been accused of spousal abuse

* 7 have been arrested for fraud

* 19 have been accused of writing bad checks

* 117 have directly or indirectly bankrupted at least 2 businesses

* 3 have done time for assault

* 71 cannot get a credit card due to bad credit

* 14 have been arrested on drug-related charges

* 8 have been arrested for shoplifting

* 21 are currently defendants in lawsuits

* 84 have been arrested for drunk driving in the last year

Can you guess which organization this is?

Scroll Down...











Give up yet?




It's the 535 members of the United States Congress. The same group of idiots that crank out hundreds of new laws each year designed to keep the citizens of the United States in line.

If You Lost A Glove At The Frisbee Park In Columbus Ohio, A Dog Just Found It With Your Hand Still Inside..

(published in 2004)
WCMH-TV - A Columbus police officer believes he found a human hand on a golf course on the city's north side, NewsChannel 4's Nancy Burton reported.

The apparent hand was found at about 10:30 a.m. at the Frisbee Golf Park near Briggs Reservoir.


The hand was in a glove and was badly decomposed, Burton reported. A dog apparently brought it out of the woods and left it near the 10th hole.

Homicide detectives had been called to the scene. The detective took the so-called hand to the coroner's office, and it was determined to be a plant.


"If it was my hand, I would want someone to call," said one of the men who found the item. "But we debated, should we call, should we not. So we called, and police took it as a prank at first."

Weekly World News - Blast from the past!

I have always liked this rag....


Chupacabra means "goat Sucker". This Creature was reported to have been seen throughout the Caribbean, several countries of South America and even in Florida. It has been reported that this creature kills animals by sucking all the blood from them. There have been found many dead goats and farm animals throughout these countries. These animals where found with puncture wounds around there neck. Some have reported that the creature is alien in origin and that UFO's have brought them to us. Other say that they are creatures created by the government.

Friday, March 24, 2017

Short Takes

Dozens Tossed Into Texas Lake As Party Boat Overturns

AUSTIN, Texas -- All the passengers of a party barge that overturned in a Texas lake have been accounted for.

The barge turned over and sank Sunday in Lake Travis, where the water is at least 50 feet deep.

There were 60 people on the boat -- two received minor injuries.

Witnesses told authorities all the people on the boat moved to one side as it approached a lakeside park called Hippie Hollow. It has the only public nude beach in Texas.

The Austin American-Statesman reports in its online edition that the barge flipped over during Splash Day, a semiannual event hosted by the gay and lesbian communities.

"At Arm's Length"

A Hastings man is appealing for the return of his prosthetic arm which was stolen during a scuffle in the city at the weekend.

Senior Sergeant Greg Bradshaw said a skirmish broke out in Market Street between two people on Friday. One of the combatants had a prosthetic arm which was torn loose in the scuffle. Instead of leaving it behind, the second man then ran off with it.

"He'd like it back," remarked cops.

How Much Are You Worth?

magician $ sign
I am currently worth exactly: $1,303,034.00 USD!! Look later this week for me on e-Bay =)

Click Here.

Rude/Dirty Tongue Twisters

These are tongue-twisters which are not themselves rude, but they are dangerous because if you try saying them fast then you might end up saying something naughty!

I am not the pheasant plucker,
I'm the pheasant plucker's mate.
I am only plucking pheasants
Because the pheasant plucker's late.


I slit the sheet, the sheet I slit;
and on the slitted sheet I sit.

One smart fellow; he felt smart.
Two smart fellows; they felt smart.
Three smart fellows; they all felt smart.


I'm not the fig plucker,
Nor the fig pluckers' son,
But I'll pluck figs
Till the fig plucker comes.

Fire truck tyres


Mrs Puggy Wuggy has a square cut punt.
Not a punt cut square,
Just a square cut punt.
It's round in the stern and blunt in the front.
Mrs Puggy Wuggy has a square cut punt.

Six stick shifts stuck shut.

Rubber Baby Buggy Bumpers.


Rude Spoonerisms




It's easy to get tongue-tied and accidentally say something rude, as you'll know if you've ever watched one of those compilations of TV slip-ups. Often just switching two small sounds in a phrase will result in an embarrassing, or even obscene Spoonerism!

Try reading these out loud, ONCE, but not within earshot of your grandmother... just in case!


The acrobats displayed some cunning stunts.

Sir, you are certainly a shining wit.

He fills her soul with hope.



It's the Tale of Two Cities.

Have you brought your sleeping bag?

She is sure pretty.



Have you seen her sick duck?

Oh, the suffering of purgery on my soul!

He's not a pheasant plucker.

She showed me her tool kits.



He's a smart fella.

A hot pie would make me happy.

Fire truck.

Overhead door.

Chuck Barris, ‘Gong Show’ Host, Dies at 87

from YAHOO! News
Chuck Barris, ‘Gong Show’ Host, Dies at 87
Chuck Barris, who hosted “The Gong Show” and created “The Dating Game” and “The Newlywed Game,” died Tuesday of natural causes in Palisades, N.Y., his publicist confirmed. He was 87.

His autobiography, “Confessions of a Dangerous Mind,” was made into a film directed by George Clooney and starred Sam Rockwell as Barris. In the book (subtitled “An Unauthorized Autobiography”), he claimed to have worked for the CIA as an assassin during the 1960s and ’70s, a claim which the CIA denied. “He also fabricated his life because it might have been the best way of getting at the truth. The truth was that back when he was the Jerry Springer of his day, he couldn’t stomach being attacked for doing something he considered harmless,” wrote Joel Stein in Time magazine.

The multi-talented game show creator was also a songwriter, writing songs such as “Palisades Park” as well as music for his game shows.

Born Charles Hirsch Barris in Philadelphia, he started out working as a page at NBC in New York, then worked backstage at “American Bandstand.” “Palisades Park” was recorded by Freddy Cannon and hit No. 3 on the Billboard Hot 100 chart.

He formed Chuck Barris Productions in 1965 and created “The Dating Game,” hosted by Jim Lange, which introduced swinging 1960s double entendres to the formerly staid game show genre and ran for 11 out of the next 15 years. In 1966 he launched “The Newlywed Game,” hosted by Bob Eubanks, which ran for 19 years; Game Show Network still airs a version of the show.

Barris finally made it in front of the camera when he began hosting “The Gong Show” in 1976. Though it only ran two years on NBC and four years in syndication, the show is still remembered for its wacky spoof of the talent show format. He introduced the amateur contestants dressed in colorful clothing with odd props, with judges Jamie Farr, Jaye P. Morgan and Arte Johnson adding to the goofy atmosphere. Other offbeat characters on the show included “Gene Gene the Dancing Machine” and Murray Langston, the “Unknown Comic,” who wore a paper bag over his head.

Click here for more

Thursday, March 23, 2017

Smart as a Whip, Sharp as a Tack

Smart as a Whip, Sharp as a Tack

What matters isn't how a person's inner life finally puts together the alphabet and numbers of his outer life. What really matters is whether he uses the alphabet for the declaration of a war or the description of a sunrise—his numbers for the final count at Buchenwald or the specifics of a brand-new bridge.

--children's television host Fred Rogers

Learn to say, “No,” and it will be of more use to you than to be able to read Latin.

--preacher Charles H. Spurgeon

While experiencing happiness, we have difficulty in being conscious of it. Only when the happiness is past and we look back on it we do suddenly realize—sometimes with astonishment—how happy we had been.

--writer Nikos Kazantzakis

Calvin: I'm a genius. But I'm a misunderstood genius.

Hobbes: What's misunderstood about you?

Calvin: Nobody thinks I'm a genius.

--cartoonist Bill Watterson from the comic strip Calvin and Hobbes

If you have an important point to make, don't try to be subtle or clever. Use a pile driver. Hit the point once. Then come back and hit it again. Then hit it a third time—a tremendous whack.

--British prime minister Winston Churchill

We are not nouns, we are verbs. I am not a thing—an actor, a writer—I am a person who does things—I write, I act—and I never know what I'm going to do next. I think you can be imprisoned if you think of yourself as a noun.

--actor Stephen Fry

What if everything is an illusion and nothing exists? In that case, I definitely overpaid for my carpet.

--writer/director Woody Allen

THINGS TO THINK ABOUT IF YOU WANT A PET REPTILE

Turtle drawing
While reptiles don't need to be fed daily, walked, or even given much attention, here are some things you should consider before making a big reptilian purchase:

• Look into the diet of your future pet. If you get a leopard gecko, you're going to have to stock up on crickets and mealworms, while a pet snake might require a freezer full of frozen mice.

• Find out how big your reptile will get. African spurred tortoises can grow up to 231 lbs (105 kg), while Savannah monitors can grow to be 4 ft (1.2 m) long.

• Since they're cold-blooded, reptiles also need some sort of heating element in their cage and that could turn into a noticeable rise in your electric bill.

• Some people who own reptiles and sometimes the rooms where they keep the reptiles smell weird.

BEST QUOTES EVER ON TEACHING, LEARNING & EDUCATION

compiled by Michael Josephson, WhatWillMatter.com
BEST QUOTES EVER ON TEACHING, LEARNING & EDUCATION - Compiled by Michael Josephson
  1. A teacher affects all eternity; you never know where his influence stops. – Henry Adams
  2. What a block of marble is to a sculptor a ready mind is to a teacher. Adapted from Joseph Addison
  3. Children don’t care what a teacher knows unless they know the teacher cares. – Unknown
  4. The best teachers teach from the heart, not from the book. -Unknown
  5. Tell me and I forget. Teach me and I remember. Involve me and I learn. -Benjamin Franklin
  6. Teaching is the one profession that creates all other professions. Unknown
  7. Remember that failure is an event, not a person. – Zig Ziglar
  8. The test of a good teacher is not how many questions he can ask his pupils that they will answer readily, but how many questions he inspires them to ask him which he finds it hard to answer. – -Alice Wellington Rollins
  9. Great teachers are passionate about what they teach and respectful of those they teach. – Michael Josephson
  10. One day with a great teacher is better than a thousand days of diligent study. -Japanese Proverb
click here to read many more!

Reunited in Heaven...

Reunited in Heaven...
Reunited in Heaven...

Wednesday, March 22, 2017

This should be us when dealing with President Trump and NAFTA

Canadian Light Source Synchrotron

-SASKATOON (WP*)
The Canadian Light Source (CLS) synchrotron is the biggest science project in Canada in more than 30 years. (We don't 'need' a world's largest coffee pot, dirty hoe etc... when we have the CLS Synchrotron!)
How a Synchrotron Works


The Synchrotron began operations in spring 2004 with 12 beamlines. Located in Saskatoon, Saskatchewan, Canada, the football field-sized, $173.5-million project is a unique national facility that will light the way to a new era of science and innovation for academic, industrial and governmental researchers.

This high-performance research tool will be used by scientists in a wide variety of disciplines for years to come. It will help Canada retain and attract top researchers. Take that, Dog River! (Spit!)

A synchrotron is a machine that guides charged particles, such as electrons, into an orbit. At the CLS, an electron gun sends electrons whirling around inside a hollow donut-shaped tube called an "electron storage ring. " Inside the storage ring is a vacuum. Almost all the air and moisture has been pumped out so that the electrons will not bump into molecules and lose energy. The CLS has two storage rings: an X-Ray Ring and a VUV (Vacuum Ultra-Violet) Ring. As the electrons round each bend in the ring, they are guided by powerful magnets and give off energy in the form of light. This is called "synchrotron light".

Commonly called a synchotron... incorrectly.

Click here for a picture.

*WP= Wizard of 'OZ' Press

Improvement!

Little Tommy was doing very badly in math. His parents had tried everything; tutors, flash cards, special learning centers, in short, everything they could think of. Finally in a last ditch effort, they took Tommy down and enrolled him in the local Catholic School.

After the first day, little Tommy comes home with a very serious look on his face. He doesn't kiss his mother hello. Instead, he goes straight to his room & starts studying. Books & papers are spread out all over the room and little Tommy is hard at work. His mother is amazed. She calls him down to dinner and to her shock, the minute he is done he marches back to his room without a word and in no time he is back hitting the books as hard as before. This goes on for sometime, day after day while the mother tries to understand what made all the difference.

Finally, little Tommy brings home his report card. He quietly lays it on the table and goes up to his room and hits the books. With great trepidation, his mom looks at it and to her surprise, little Tommy got an A in math. She can no longer hold her curiosity. She goes to his room and says: "Son, what was it? Was it the nuns?"

Little Tommy looks at her and shakes his head "No".

"Well then", she replies, "was it the books, the discipline, the structure, the uniforms, WHAT was it?"

Little Tommy looks at her and says, "Well, on the first day of school, when I saw that guy nailed to the plus sign, I knew they weren't fooling around.

The end of your world...or time for lunch?


Scientists have come up with a computer program which lets you find out if an asteroid hurtling towards the Earth is heading in your direction.

The Earth Impact Effects Program will reveal whether you should jump in the car and drive for your life or relax and finish your lunch.

It will calculate the crater size, the energy released by the impact, and the effect on the surrounding area.

The program can be found at the Arizona State University website . Users are asked to type in their distance from the predicted target zone, size and composition of the object, and information such as impact velocity and angle.

Asteroids can be nearly a thousand kilometres in diameter and lie in a zone called the asteroid or the main belt, between the orbits of Mars and Jupiter.

For example: (Based on My Inputs):

Distance from Impact: 3000.00 km = 1863.00 miles
Projectile Diameter: 1000000.00 m = 3280000.00 ft = 621.00 miles
Projectile Density: 1500 kg/m3
Impact Velocity: 100.00 km/s = 62.10 miles/s
Impact Angle: 90 degrees
Target Density: 1500 kg/m3
Target Type: Competent Rock or saturated soil

  • Energy: 9.38 x 1014 MegaTons TNT - the interval between impacts of this size somewhere on Earth is 3.7 x 1013years.
  • Final Crater Diameter: 10162.11 miles
  • Time for maximum radiation: 315.54 seconds after impact.
  • Visible fireball radius: 30860.2 km. The fireball appears 2337.9 times larger than the sun
  • Effects of Thermal Radiation: Clothing ignites, Much of the body suffers third degree burns, Newspaper ignites,Plywood flames, Deciduous trees ignite, Grass ignites. The major seismic shaking will arrive at approximately 600.0 seconds. Richter Scale Magnitude: 14.6 (This is greater than any shaking in recorded history)
  • The ejecta will arrive approximately 1021.5 seconds after the impact. My position is beneath the continuous ejecta deposit. Average Ejecta Thickness: 1022997.07 ft. The air blast will arrive at approximately 10000.0 seconds. Max wind velocity: 29916.8 mph. Sound Intensity: 170 dB.
  • Damage Description: Multistory wall-bearing buildings will collapse. Wood frame buildings will almost completely collapse. Multistory steel-framed office-type buildings will suffer extreme frame distortion, incipient collapse. Highway truss bridges will collapse. Highway girder bridges will collapse. Glass windows will shatter. Cars and trucks will be largely displaced and grossly distorted and will require rebuilding before use. Up to 90 percent of trees blown down; remainder stripped of branches and leaves.

    Note from The Wizard: These results come with ABSOLUTELY NO WARRANTY

Tuesday, March 21, 2017

Can you see the difference?

Why U.S. Navy Seals are better than the ISIS Navy Seals...
but don't beat the Canadian Seals...

U.S. Seals
ISIS Seals.
Canadian Seals.

Click on each to see the best Navy Seals!

Jeffery Straker - The Wizard's Favourite Songs

Welcome to my Jeffery Straker video post!











Click here to go to youtube for more videos.

Click here to visit Jeffery's Official website.

How is your moral sense?

 Click here to take the test
Take the Moral Sense Test. Click above