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Saturday, December 30, 2017

Giggles, Guffaws and Groaners...


The Immovable Dirty Spot
My mother, a meticulous housekeeper, often lectured my father about tracking dirt into the house. One day he came in to find her furiously scrubbing away at a spot on the floor and launching into a lecture.

"I don’t know what you’ve brought in," she said, "but I can’t seem to get this out."

He studied the situation for a moment and, without a word, moved a figurine on the window-sill where the sun was streaming in. The spot immediately disappeared.


Call 911
Emily Sue passed away and Bubba called 911. The 911 operator told Bubba that she would send someone out right away. "Where do you live?" asked the operator.

Bubba replied, "At the end of Eucalyptus Drive."

The operator asked, "Can you spell that for me?"

There was a long pause and finally Bubba said, "How 'bout if I drag her over to Oak Street and you pick her up there?"

HYUK!

Rapid Train Service
A passenger train is creeping along, painfully slow. Finally, it creaks to a complete halt. A passenger sees a conductor walking by outside.

"What's going on?" she yells out the window.

"Cow on the track!" replies the conductor.

Ten minutes later, the train resumes its slow pace. Within five minutes, however, it stops again. The woman sees the same conductor walking by again. She leans out the window and yells, "What happened? Did we catch up with the cow again?"



They Do Look Alike
My sister was busy getting ready to host our entire family for Easter. On her to-do list was a hair appointment for her daughter.

"So, Katie," said the stylist as the little girl got up in the chair, "who’s coming to your house this weekend with big ears and floppy feet?"

Katie replied, "I think it’s my Uncle Brian."
HYUK!

Hypothetical Hollywood
My wife and I were having a very hypothetical discussion... In the unlikely event that Hollywood made a movie based on our lives, we wondered what stars would play us.

"Who would you pick to portray you?" she asked me.

I thought about it for a minute, then answered, "George Clooney."

"In that case," she said, "I’ll play myself."

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