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Friday, July 31, 2015

Punny Pictures

Butter Tarts - MADE IN CANADA

Butter tarts are pretty similar to mini pecan pies, but are most often made without the addition of corn syrup. It is perfectly acceptable to make them just out of butter sugar and eggs and nothing else, but many people do like them with either pecans or raisins. A chocolate butter tart, or one with another kind of nut (like walnuts) are not uncommon either, but I have never seen a butter tart with fruit on it. The butter tart is often cited as one of the few truly Canadian foods, without evolving from an American, British or French food. According to the CBC, butter tarts were probably invented in Ontario sometime around 1915. There are, however, very similar dishes to the butter tart that predate this. In addition to the American pecan pie, there is also the French-Canadian sugar pie and Scottish Ecclefechan butter tarts.

Butter tarts are a Canadian tradition. Waaaay back in the 1970s, a national contest here in Canada concluded that these butter tarts, originating from Wilkie's Bakery in Orillia, Ontario, were the best. I certainly think so and it's the only recipe I use. Add a sprinkle of toasted walnuts when you add the raisins, if you wish, or use only walnuts if you don't like raisins.
Butter Tarts - A Canadian Tradition

* pie pastry (enough to fill 16 muffin cups, your own or from a mix)
* 1⁄2 cup raisins
* 1⁄4 cup soft butter
* 1⁄4 cup packed brown sugar
* 1 pinch salt
* 1⁄2 cup corn syrup
* 1 egg, lightly beaten
* 1⁄2 teaspoon vanilla

DIRECTIONS

1. Prepare muffin pans by rolling out pie dough and cutting 4-inch (approx) circles; fit dough circles into muffin cups; set aside in fridge until ready to fill.

2. In a small bowl, place raisins and cover with hot tap water; let stand on the counter for 30 minutes.

3. In a large bowl, using a wooden spoon, mix together the soft butter, brown sugar, salt and corn syrup; stir well until sugar is dissolved and butter is creamed.

4. Add egg and vanilla and mix well.

5. Drain raisins.

6. Retrieve tart shells and divide raisins equally into all shells; then divide butter mixture into all tarts.

7. Bake at 400F for 15-20 minutes; filling will be lightly browned but still bubbling.

8. Canadians fall into two camps about butter tarts and are quite loyal to their favourite type: runny or firm.

9. I like runny-- the type that dribbles when you bite into one; if you like firm, bake them for the full 20 minutes, even adding another minute or two if you wish.

10. Let cooked butter tarts cool in pans for 10 minutes after removing from oven; then remove and place on racks until completely cool.

Just sayin'....

QEII and Grumpy Cat

I think...

I loved watching Snagglepuss at home during the lunch hour.
I never learned the hunter's name but I think he was a dentist.

Thursday, July 30, 2015

Those Evil Gay People

Fire, plague, or pestilence, its the fault of the international gay conspiracy...
The Scourge of the World
Click above to read why...

Finally! (NSFW!!!!)

The all Saskatoon nude police officer calendar for 2016 comes in an all-male and an all-female version. All pictures show full frontal nudity, for both female and male versions, (and some nice buns too!, hehe)

Just click on the menu to select which one you want to view. Order now!

They are available for sale on the site -- the calendars, not the officers. Click here to view all 12 (24) totally nude peace officers.

Please make complaints to The Wizard in the comments. Thanks!

I bet....

Bananas in pajamas
You just said this out loud!

It's International Friendship Day

It's International Friendship Day

Fido's Tale

Fido In D.C, a guy sees a sign in front of a house: "Talking Dog for Sale." He rings the bell and the owner tells him the dog is in the backyard. The guy goes into the backyard and sees a black mutt just sitting there.

"You talk?" he asks.

"Sure do." the dog replies.

"So, what's your story?"

The dog looks up and says, "Well, I discovered my gift of talking pretty young and I wanted to help the government, so I told the CIA about my gift, and in no time they had me jetting from country to country, sitting in rooms with spies and world leaders, because no one figured a dog would be eavesdropping. I was one of their most valuable spies eight years running."

"The jetting around really tired me out, and I knew I wasn't getting any younger and I wanted to settle down. So I signed up for a job at the airport to do some undercover security work, mostly wandering near suspicious characters and listening in. I uncovered some incredible dealings there and was awarded a batch of medals. Had a wife, a mess of puppies, and now I'm just retired."

The guy is amazed. He goes back in and asks the owner what he wants for the dog. The owner says, "Ten dollars."

The guy says, "This dog is amazing. Why on earth are you selling him, so cheap?"

"Cause he's a liar. He didn't do any of that shit."

3,5,7

3,5,7
3,5,7
3,5,7

Wednesday, July 29, 2015

Help and Resources for the Prairie Fag

 Click here to visit The Saskatchewan Resources For Sexual Diversity website

Click above to visit The Saskatchewan Resources For Sexual Diversity website.

The University of Saskatchewan

Sponsored by the University of Saskatchewan Library

From the page:

Research into sexual diversity encompasses the study of sexual and gender minorities presently identified by many labels, including lesbian (L), gay (G), bisexual (B), transgendered (T), transvestite (TV), and two-spirited (TS). The previously derogatory queer (Q) has been adopted by many with pride as a short form way of encompassing this diverse range of minorities. However, many are opposed to identifying themselves with an historic label of abuse and others question the possibility or desirability of finding a single term adequate to suggest the diversity of these groups.

This site is a reference guide to what is available and its physical location. The materials themselves are housed at participating Saskatchewan libraries and archives .

Browse through lists of materials or search this site for topics or people.

To learn more about the history of LGBT communities in Saskatchewan please see our History page. To find out more about present day LGBT communities in Saskatchewan see the LGBT Saskatchewan references in the links page.

My favourite quote from the page:
"If homosexuality is a disease, lets all call in queer to work;
-Hello. Can't work today. Still queer."
--ROBIN TYLER, American comedian.

Fridge magnet produced for Regina's Gay, Lesbian, and Bisexual Pride Week.2000. Designed by Duncan Campbell and Tania Wolk
Fridge magnet produced for Regina's Gay, Lesbian, and Bisexual Pride Week.2000.
Designed by Duncan Campbell and Tania Wolk

The Goatee

A woman in her late forties went to a plastic surgeon for a face-lift. The surgeon told her about a new procedure called "The Knob," where a small knob is placed on the back of a woman's head and can be turned to tighten up her skin to produce the effect of a brand new face lift. Of course, the woman wanted "The Knob."

Over the course of the years, the woman tightened the knob, and the effects were wonderful - the woman remained young looking and vibrant. After fifteen years, the woman returned to the surgeon with two problems.

"All these years, everything has been working just fine. I've had to turn the knob many times and I've always loved the results. But now I've developed two annoying problems:

First, I have these terrible bags under my eyes and the knob won't get rid of them."

The doctor looked at her closely and said, "Those aren't bags, those are your breasts."

She said, "Well, I guess that explains the goatee."

HYUK!

A little something to make you smile and/or shake your head…


Some questions people the world over are asking! These questions about Canada were posted on an International Tourism Website:

Q: I have never seen it warm on Canadian TV, so how do the plants grow?(UK)
A: We import all plants fully grown and then just sit around and watch them die.

Q: Will I be able to see Polar Bears in the street? (USA)
A: Depends how much you've been drinking.

Q: I want to walk from Vancouver to Toronto - can I follow the railroad tracks? (Sweden)
A: Sure, it's only Four thousand miles, take lots of water.

Q: Is it safe to run around in the bushes in Canada?(Sweden)
A: So it's true what they say about Swedes.

Q: It is imperative that I find the names and addresses of places to contact for a stuffed Beaver. (Italy)
A: Let's not touch this one.

Q: Are there any ATMs (cash machines) in Canada? Can you send me a list of them in Toronto, Vancouver, Edmonton and Halifax? (UK)
A: What did your last slave die of?

Q: Can you give me some information about hippo racing in Canada? (USA)
A: A-fri-ca is the big triangle shaped continent south of Europe. Ca-na-da is that big country to your North . .. . oh forget it. Sure, the hipporacingis every Tuesday night in Calgary. Come naked.

Q: Which direction is North in Canada? (USA)
A: Face south and then turn 180 degrees. Contact us when you get here and we'll send the rest of the directions.

Q: Can I bring cutlery into Canada? (UK)
A: Why? Just use your fingers like we do.

Q: Can you send me the Vienna Boys' Choir schedule? (USA)
A: Aus-tri-a is that quaint little country bordering Ger-man-y, which is... oh forget it. Sure, the Vienna Boys Choir plays every Tuesday night in Vancouver and in Calgary, straight after the hippo races. Come naked.

Q: Do you have perfume in Canada? (Germany)
A: No, WE don't stink.

Q: I have developed a new product that is the fountain of youth. Can you tell me where I can sell it in Canada? (USA)
A: Anywhere significant numbers of Americans gather.

Q: Can you tell me the regions in British Columbia where the female population is smaller than the male population? (Italy)
A: Yes, gay nightclubs.

Q: Do you celebrate Thanksgiving in Canada? (USA)
A: Only at Thanksgiving.

Q: Are there supermarkets in Toronto and is milk available all year round?(Germany)
A: No, we are a peaceful civilization of Vegan hunter/gatherers. Milk is illegal.

Q: I have a question about a famous animal in Canada, but I forget it's name. It's a kind of big horse with horns. (USA)
A: It's called a Moose. They are tall and very violent, eating the brains of anyone walking close to them. You can scare them off by spraying yourself with human urine before you go out walking.

Q: I was in Canada in 1969 on R+R, and I want to contact the girl I dated while I was staying in Surrey, BC. Can you help? (USA)
A: Yes, and you will still have to pay her by the hour.

Q: Will I be able to speak English most places I go? (USA)
A: Yes, but you will have to learn it first.

Fake of the day - Pancakes on U.S. $5 bill

Pancakes on US $5 bill a phony
You cannot fold a US $5 bill to make this

Tuesday, July 28, 2015

Rude Spoonerisms



It's easy to get tongue-tied and accidentally say something rude, as you'll know if you've ever watched one of those compilations of TV slip-ups. Often just switching two small sounds in a phrase will result in an embarrassing, or even obscene Spoonerism!

Try reading these out loud, ONCE, but not within earshot of your grandmother... just in case!


The acrobats displayed some cunning stunts.

Sir, you are certainly a shining wit.

He fills her soul with hope.



It's the Tale of Two Cities.

Have you brought your sleeping bag?

She is sure pretty.



Have you seen her sick duck?

Oh, the suffering of purgery on my soul!

He's not a pheasant plucker.

She showed me her tool kits.



He's a smart fella.

A hot pie would make me happy.

Fire truck.

Overhead door.

Questions

Question 1:

If you knew a woman who was pregnant, who had 8 kids already, three who were deaf, two who were blind, one mentally retarded, and she had syphilis, would you recommend that she have an abortion?

Read each question before opening the answer page.

Question 2:
It is time to elect a new world leader, and only your vote counts. Here are the facts about the three candidates.

Candidate A.
Associates with crooked politicians, and consults with astrologist He's had two mistresses. He also chain smokes and drinks 8 to 10 martinis a day.

Candidate B.
He was kicked out of office twice, sleeps until noon, used opium in college and drinks a quart of whiskey every evening.

Candidate C.
He is a decorated war hero. He's a vegetarian, doesn't smoke, drinks an occasional beer and never cheated on his wife.

Which of these candidates would be your choice? Decide first...no peeking, until you decide. Then Click Here.

Fido Dido - The Mind Reader

Fido Dido
Click here.

Thank You for flying KLM....

Monday, July 27, 2015

The Pysanka

All PYSANKY are created the same way, the only thing that differs is the design on each egg. All designs are an accumulation of ancient symbols arranged in different patterns, and differing color schemes.
Pysanky
1 pysanka, 2 pysanky, 3 pysanky, four

The name PYSANKA comes from the Ukrainian word pysaty which means "to write" since the designs are written on the egg. The ending letter "a" or "y" refers to the number of decorated eggs. Pysanka means one egg, and pysanky is plural. Originally the eggs were kept full to keep the mystical powers intact. But in modern days of changing air pressure and shipping, some empty the eggs to ensure a safe delivery with no mess or smell. The designs are the most important for the well-wishing gifts. The pysanka on the left still has the yolk inside and rattles if you shake it. The other two were emptied.

You can enjoy your pysanky for an entire life time. Unless broken, the eggs will last forever.

Igloo Contractors...

Igloo Construction

CAKE OR BED

A HUSBAND IS AT HOME WATCHING A FOOTBALL GAME WHEN HIS WIFE INTERRUPTS, HONEY, COULD YOU FIX THE LIGHT IN THE HALLWAY? IT'S BEEN FLICKERING FOR WEEKS NOW.

HE LOOK AT HER AND SAYS ANGRILY, FIX THE LIGHTS NOW? DOES IT LOOK LIKE I HAVE GE WRITTEN ON MY FOREHEAD? I DON'T THINK SO.

FINE, THEN THE WIFE ASKS, WELL THEN, COULD YOU FIX THE FRIDGE DOOR? IT WON'T CLOSE RIGHT.

TO WHICH HE REPLIED, FIX THE FRIDGE DOOR? DOES IT LOOK LIKE I HAVE WESTINGHOUSE WRITTEN ON MY FOREHEAD? I DON'T THINK SO

FINE, SHE SAYS THEN YOU COULD AT LEAST FIX THE STEPS TO THE FRONT DOOR? THEY ARE ABOUT TO BREAK.

I'M NOT A DAMM CARPENTER AND I DON'T WANT TO FIX STEPS. HE SAYS, DOES IT LOOK LIKE I HAVE ACE HARDWARE WRITTEN ON MY FOREHEAD? I DON'T THINK SO. I'VE HAD ENOUGH OF YOU. I'M GOING TO THE BAR!!!!

SO HE GOES TO THE BAR AND DRINKS FOR A COUPLE OF HOURS ......................

HE STARTS TO FEEL GUILTY ABOUT HOW HE TREATED HIS WIFE, AND DECIDES TO GO HOME. AS HE WALKS INTO THE HOUSE HE NOTICES THAT THE STEPS ARE ALREADY FIXED.

AS HE ENTERS THE HOUSE, HE SEES THE HALL LIGHT IS WORKING.

AS HE GOES TO GET A BEER, HE NOTICES THE FRIDGE DOOR IS FIXED.

HONEY, HE ASKS, HOW'D ALL THIS GET FIXED? SHE SAID, WELL, WHEN YOU LEFT I SAT OUTSIDE AND CRIED. JUST THEN A NICE YOUNG MAN ASKED ME WHAT WAS WRONG, AND I TOLD HIM. HE OFFERED TO DO ALL THE REPAIRS, AND ALL I HAD TO DO WAS EITHER GO TO BED WITH HIM OR BAKE A CAKE.

HE SAID, SO WHAT KIND OF CAKE DID YOU BAKE?

SHE REPLIED, HELLOOOOO.... DO YOU SEE BETTY CROCKER WRITTEN ON MY FOREHEAD? I DON'T THINK SO!

WARNING!

There has been an increased rate of robbery using handguns in Canada. I warn you that some people may find this picture too graphic. DO NOT click here if you are weak of mind.

Sunday, July 26, 2015

Advice About Teens

by MICHAEL JOSEPHSON, in PARENTING, FAMILY, WhatWillMatter.com

Here are three suggestions for the parents of young teens, all learned through my own mistakes:

First, remember, with emerging demands for independence, worries about peer acceptance, pressures of school and extra-curricular activities and a continuous search for self-identity, adolescents are on a physical and emotional roller coaster. Like every generation before them (including yours), young teens are often arrogant and over-confident about their knowledge and your ignorance, and deeply insecure about most other things. They will make mistakes, behave badly and be thoroughly self-absorbed. Though they want you to be less involved in their lives, they actually need you more. And despite continuous battles, if you’re open, you will experience glorious moments both of you will cherish all your lives.

Second, be firm but choose your battles carefully. Don’t back down when you are dealing with an important principle but don’t make every issue a hill you’re willing to die on. Be willing to lose occasionally and even give in graciously.

Third, don’t belittle or underestimate the importance of their feelings. It may seem like they are over-reacting, but teens feel emotions like embarrassment, loneliness, insecurity, frustration and love truly and intensely. It’s horribly disrespectful to minimize or discount these feelings with useless advice like, “you’ll get over it,” or “everyone feels that way.” Nor is it helpful to dismiss or invalidate an emotion by saying, “You shouldn’t feel that way.”

Teens can be hard to love, but be patient. Soon they will be the parents of your grandchildren.

This is Michael Josephson reminding you that character counts.

She left a note. This was the result!

She left a note for him to prepare dinner that evening:

Shepherds Pie needs to be taken out of the fridge and placed in the oven at 140 degrees..

Pie in oven at 140 degrees

Pictures That Will Make You Question Your Existence

Sometimes, we get the rare treat of a photo snapped at the exact perfect moment at the perfect angle. It's not always so funny for the subject in the picture, but for the rest of us it's free entertainment.

Here are some of the best accidental illusions. You may have to bend your brain to understand some of these!

1. That is not a tiny man unknowingly walking into a gargantuan seagull.
The seagull is sitting on a ledge.

2. This kitty's ear is not see-through.
It's bizarre how well the ear and hairline blend together.

3. That man is not wearing a beautiful wedding gown.
Although he'd look perfect in one.

4. This girl does not have cow ears.
This is just a fantastic photobomb.

5. This is not a wedding party of little people.
In hindsight, this probably wasn't a great pose.

6. That man is not part of the painting.
He just blends in so well.

7. This is not a giant girl with the ability to walk on water.
Who looks this happy as they cannonball?

8. This is not a well-dressed dog commuting to work.
Just an attentive dog and his sleepy owner.

9. That girl does not have freakishly long arms.
The arms all blend together so well.

10. This is not the world's oldest baby.
His face just fit so well with his grandpa's.


11. That guy is not missing a hand.
The bandage is actually part of his girlfriend's dress.

12. That guy does not have nice smooth legs.
Although if he did, then he would also have fantastic fashion sense.

13. This is not a mythical creature, no matter how badly we want it to be.
Go home, the dream is dead.

14. That man is not riding piggy-back, nor is he miniature.
His pants just blend in with her shirt.

15. This guy doesn't have a luscious beard.
But he should consider growing one.

16. That is not a gigantic squirrel bent on destroying that house.
Or is it? Duh duh duh.

17. That girl does not have a freakishly hairy arm.
It's just a freakishly hairy leg.

18. This child does not have two different sized hands.
He would have had a future in athletics, but that's his dad's hand.

19. This is not an extremely grumpy woman with a melted face.
That would be the underside of a dog's snout.

20. This is not an adorable panda.
Just an anteater. Two anteaters, actually.

21. This is not an all-in-one family.
I don't even know where to begin with this one.

22. The girl in black is not being carried.
The blonde girl is.

23. That is not a floating torso.
She's either sitting on the ledge or has invisible pants.