Hey all you readers! I have a quick question.... why are my traffic numbers falling off so much?
PLEASE, make a comment.
What do you wanna read on
'OZ' - The 'Other' Side of the Rainbow??
|Click for larger view|
|Click on piture for larger view|
A co-worker got a pen stuck inside our printer. He started to try and remove the pen, but I told him we don't have time for that now, just put a note on the printer telling folks not to use it and then report it to the Help Desk.
So he grabbed a piece of paper and scrawled on it. I left before he finished the note. About 20 minutes later, one of my techs comes in laughing and says he was just in the lobby, saw a piece of paper on a printer and went to investigate. Below is what he found.
Sometimes things don't always come out the way you want them to.
A passenger at Cologne airport stunned staff who asked him to remove his belt by taking off his trousers instead.
The 35-year-old was checking in for a flight to Munich when the security signal went off as he was searched.
Staff told him to remove his wide belt, which was covered in metal rivets.
At first the man refused but then airport police told him it was the only way they would allow him to fly.
He finally gave in but instead of taking off his belt, he stripped out of his trousers and put them through the x-ray machine.
He then walked through the security gate in only in his underwear before getting back his trousers on the other side.
Airport security spokesman Guenter Ahr told the Express news the rules that led to the strip were necessary.
"You never know whether something is being hidden inside a belt and the rivets are only there to distract staff," he said.
The two old boys were rocking back and forth on the front porch of the Happy Trails Gay Senior home. They had been together for more than 50 years, and now they enjoying their golden years at the retirement centre.
Slowly they rocked, in rhythm as this was their time to spend a few quiet moments and after years of practice they rocked to the same pace.
Suddenly Bruce stopped, grabbed his cane, and with a loud and hard WHACK hit Mort across the shins.
Poor old Mort's eyes watered and tears ran down his cheeks. When he finally caught his breath he gasped and asked, "What'd you do that fer?"
"That's fer fifty years of bad sex," Bruce said.
Mort just nodded his head, saying nothing.
Slowly they began to rock again. Again they kept pace. Back and forth, back and forth they rocked, until suddenly Mort stopped, and picked up his cane.
He reached over and with a loud, sharp WHACK, he hit Bruce across the shins.
As soon as Bruce's eyes quit watering and he could speak he asked, "What was that fer?"
"That," said Mort, as he began to rock again, "is fer knowin' the difference."
The Canadian Light Source (CLS) synchrotron is the biggest science project in Canada in more than 30 years. (We don't 'need' a world's largest coffee pot, dirty hoe etc... when we have the CLS Synchrotron!)
The Synchrotron began its operations in spring 2004 with 12 beamlines. Located in Saskatoon, Saskatchewan, Canada, the football field-sized, $173.5-million project is a unique national facility that will light the way to a new era of science and innovation for academic, industrial and governmental researchers.
This high-performance research tool will be used by scientists in a wide variety of disciplines for years to come. It will help Canada retain and attract top researchers. Take that, Dog River! (Spit!)
A synchrotron is a machine that guides charged particles, such as electrons, into an orbit. At the CLS, an electron gun sends electrons whirling around inside a hollow donut-shaped tube called an "electron storage ring." Inside the storage ring is a vacuum. Almost all the air and moisture has been pumped out so that the electrons will not bump into molecules and lose energy. The CLS has two storage rings: an X-Ray Ring and a VUV (Vacuum Ultra-Violet) Ring. As the electrons round each bend in the ring, they are guided by powerful magnets and give off energy in the form of light. This is called "synchrotron light".
Commonly called a synchotron... incorrectly.
Click here for a picture.
*WP= Wizard of 'OZ' Press
Should crematoriums give discounts for burn victims?
If a mute kid swears does his mother wash his hands with soap?
An whose cruel idea was it to put an "S" in the word "Lisp"?
If a man stands in the middle of the forest speaking and there is no woman around to hear him... is he still wrong?
If someone with multiple personalities threatens suicide... is it considered a hostage situation?
Is there another word for synonym?
Isn't it scarey that doctors call what they do "practice"?
Where do forest rangers go to get away from it all?
What should you do if you see an endangered animal eating an endangered plant?
If a parsley farmer is sued do they garnish his wages?
Would a wingless fly be called a walk?
Why do they lock gas station bathrooms? Are they worried someone will steal the toilet?
There's so much comedy on television. Does that cause comedy on the streets?
Why is "abbreviation" such a long word?
If one synchronized swimmer drowns, do the rest have to drown too?
Will the information superhighway have any rest stops?
Whatever happened to preparations A through G?
What hair color do they put on the drivers licenses of bald men?
If you take an Oriental person and spin him around several times, does he become disoriented?
Who coined the phrase: 'To coin a phrase'?
How come only fat people drink diet cola?
If books get dog-ears, do dogs get book-ears?
If love isn't a game, why are there so many players?
If 7-11 is open 24 hours a day, 365 days a year, why are there locks on the doors?
Why are there D batteries, C batteries, AAA batteries, AA batteries, but no B or single A batteries?
If an ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure, and a stitch in time saves nine, would surgery cost less if only healthy organs were removed?
Why do kamikaze pilots wear helmets?
A point to ponder...
The Lord's prayer is 66 words. The Gettysburg Address is 286 words. There are 1,322 words in the Declaration of Independence but the government regulations on the sale of cabbage total 26,911 words.
Billy-Joe and Betty-Sue get married, and Billy-Joe whisks her away to his daddy's hunting cabin in the woods, for a romantic 'nature honeymoon'...
He carries her across the threshold, and they get into bed, when Betty-Sue whispers in his ear "Billy-Joe, be gentle, I ain never been with a man b'fore."
"WHAT???" shouts Billy-Joe, and his little bride softly shakes her head...
Billy-Joe jumps out of bed, grabs his clothes, and races out the door, into his truck.... down the mountain.... straight to his parents house... rushes inside screaming "Hey Daddy!, Paw! Git'up!" .....
His father rushes downstairs and gasps... "Billy-Joe, what'r you doin here?"
Billy-Joe, still breathing hard from his mad flight, gasps "Well, Betty-Sue an I was in the' cabin, and she toll' me she ain't never been with a man' afore.... so's I rushed outta there, an' lit back here... quick as I could!"
His father grasps Billy-Joe's shoulder in reassurance, and says "SON, Ya done the right thing.... Iffin she ain't good'nuff fer her family, she shure as shit ain't good'nuff fer ours!!"
*Wizard's Note: No offence, eh?
John the farmer was in the fertilized egg business. He had several hundred young layers (hens), called pullets and eight or ten roosters, whose job was to fertilize the eggs.
The farmer kept records and any rooster that didn't perform went into the soup pot and was replaced.
That took an awful lot of his time so he bought a set of tiny bells and attached them to his roosters. Each bell had a different tone so John could tell from a distance, which rooster was performing. Now he could sit on the porch and fill out an efficiency report simply by listening to the bells.
The farmer's favourite rooster was old Butch, a very fine specimen he was, too. But on this particular morning John noticed old Butch's bell hadn't rung at all!
John went to investigate. The other roosters were chasing pullets, bells-a-ringing. The pullets, hearing the roosters coming, would run for cover.
But to Farmer John's amazement, Butch had his bell in his beak, so it couldn't ring. He'd sneak up on a pullet, do his job and walk on to the next one.
John was so proud of Butch, he entered him in the county fair and Butch became an overnight sensation among the judges. The result...The judges not only awarded Butch the "No Bell Piece Prize" but they also awarded him the "Pulletsurprise" as well.
Clearly Butch was a politician in the making. Who else but a politician could figure out how to win two of the most highly coveted awards on our planet by being the best at sneaking up on the populace and screwing them when they weren't paying attention?
One day when a seamstress was sewing while sitting close to a river, her thimble fell into the river.
When she cried out, the Lord appeared and asked, "My dear child, why are you crying?" The seamstress replied that her thimble had fallen into the water and that she needed it to help her husband in making a living for their family.
The Lord dipped His hand into the water and pulled up a golden thimble set with pearls. "Is this your thimble?" the Lord asked. The seamstress replied, "No." The Lord again dipped into the river. He held out a silver thimble ringed with sapphires. "Is this your thimble?" the Lord asked.
Again, the seamstress replied, "No." The Lord reached down again and came up with a leather thimble. "Is this your thimble?" the Lord asked. The seamstress replied, "Yes." The Lord was pleased with the woman's honesty and gave her all three thimbles to keep, and the seamstress went home happy.
Some years later, the seamstress was walking with her husband along the riverbank, and her husband fell into the river and disappeared under the water. When she cried out, the Lord again appeared and asked her, "Why are you crying?"
"Oh Lord, my husband has fallen into the river!" The Lord went down into the water and came up with Mel Gibson "Is this your husband?" the Lord asked. "Yes," cried the seamstress. The Lord was furious. "You lied! That is an untruth!"
The seamstress replied, "Oh, forgive me, my Lord. It is a misunderstanding. You see, if I had said 'no' to Mel Gibson, you would have come up with Tom Cruise. Then if I said 'no' to him, you would have come up with my husband. Had I then said 'yes,' you would have given me all three. Lord, I'm not in the best of health and would not be able to take care of all three husbands, so THAT'S why I said 'yes' to Mel Gibson."
The moral of this story is: Whenever a woman lies, it's for a good and honorable reason, and in the best interest of others.
That's their story, and they're sticking to it.