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Tuesday, October 25, 2011
It was a busy morning, approximately 8:30 am, when an elderly gentleman in is 80's, arrived to have stitches removed from his thumb.He stated that he was in a hurry as he had an appointment at 9:00 am.
I took his vital signs and had him take a seat, knowing it would be over an hour before someone would to able to see him. I saw him looking at his watch and decided, since I was not busy with another patient, I would evaluate his wound.
On exam it was well healed, so I talked to one of the doctors, got the needed supplies to remove his sutures and redress his wound.While taking care of his wound, we began to engage in conversation I asked him if he had a doctor's appointment this morning, as he was in such a hurry.
The gentleman told me no, that he needed to go to the nursing home to eat breakfast with his wife. I then inquired as to her health. He told me that she had been there for a while and that she was a victim of Alzheimer Disease. As we talked, and I finished dressing his wound, I asked if she would be worried if he was a bit late.
He replied that she no longer knew who he was, that she had not recognized him in five years now.
I was surprised, and asked him. "And you still go every morning, even though she doesn't know who you are?" He smiled as he patted my hand and said. "She doesn't know me, but I still know who she is."
I had to hold back tears as he left, I had goose bumps on my arm, and thought, "That is the kind of love I want in my life." True love is neither physical, nor romantic.
True love is an acceptance of all that is, has been, will be, and will not be.
With all the jokes and fun that are in e-mails, sometimes there are some that come along that have an important message, and this is one of those kind. Just had to share it with you all.
Oh, by the way, peace is seeing a sunset and knowing who to thank.
"The happiest of people don't necessarily have the best of everything;
they just make the best of everything that comes along their way."
Monday, October 24, 2011
Next time you go to the public toilets you may observe one of the following types of vistors:
Pants are twisted, cannot find hole, rips pants in anger.
Joins pals for a piss whether he wants one or not.
Cannot piss if anyone is watching, pretends he has been and sneaks back later.
Whistles loudly, peeps over partition to have a look at the other fellow's tool.
All urinals being occupied, uses sink.
Pisses without holding tool, shows off by adjusting tie at the same time.
Undoes 5 buttons when 2 will do.
Opens jacket, takes out tie, pisses in pants.
Is not quite sure what he has been up to lately, makes a furtive but close inspection of tool while pissing.
Stands for a while, grunts, farts, tries to piss, fails, farts again and walks out muttering.
Drops silent farts while pissing and looks at the bloke next to him.
Pisses on shoe, walks out with flies undone, adjusts himself ten minutes later.
Reads a book or newspaper while pissing.
Watches bubbles at bottom of the urinal while pissing.
Bangs tool on side of urinal to remove drops.
Pulls out tool, sees two, puts one away, and pisses in trousers.
Covers tool with both hands and pisses through fingers.
Stands in one cubical and pisses in next one.
Billy-Joe and Betty-Sue get married, and Billy-Joe whisks her away to his daddy's hunting cabin in the woods, for a romantic 'nature honeymoon'...
He carries her across the threshold, and they get into bed, when Betty-Sue whispers in his ear "Billy-Joe, be gentle, I ain never been with a man b'fore."
"WHAT???" shouts Billy-Joe, and his little bride softly shakes her head...
Billy-Joe jumps out of bed, grabs his clothes, and races out the door, into his truck.... down the mountain.... straight to his parents house... rushes inside screaming "Hey Daddy!, Paw! Git'up!" .....
His father rushes downstairs and gasps... "Billy-Joe, what'r you doin here?"
Billy-Joe, still breathing hard from his mad flight, gasps "Well, Betty-Sue an I was in the' cabin, and she toll' me she ain't never been with a man' afore.... so's I rushed outta there, an' lit back here... quick as I could!"
His father grasps Billy-Joe's shoulder in reassurance, and says "SON, Ya done the right thing.... Iffin she ain't good'nuff fer her family, she shure as shit ain't good'nuff fer ours!!"
*Wizard's Note: No offence, eh?
You have touched many lives and tried to make the world a little bit better.
You were way ahead of your time.
You were a pioneer in non discrimination - with a multi-cultural cast.
Sunday, October 23, 2011
Anyone 30 or older will get a laugh out of this!
When I was a kid adults used to bore me to tears with their tedious diatribes about how hard things were when they were growing up; what with walking twenty-five miles to school every morning uphill both ways through year round blizzards carrying their younger siblings on their backs to their one-room schoolhouse where they maintained a Straight-A average despite their full-time after-school job at the local textile mill where they worked for 35 cents an hour just to help keep their family from
starving to death!
And I remember promising myself that when I grew up there was no way in hell I was going to lay a bunch of crap like that on kids about how hard I had it and how easy they've got it!
Now that I'm over the ripe old age of fourty, I can't help but look around and notice the youth of today. You've got it so easy! I mean, compared to my childhood, you live in a damn Utopia!
And I hate to say it but you kids today don't know how good you've got it!
I mean, when I was a kid we didn't have the Internet.When we wanted to know something, we had to go to the damn library and look it up ourselves! There was no email! We had to actually write somebody a letter. With an actual pen! Then you had to walk all the way across the street and put it in the mailbox and it would take like a week to get there!
There were no MP3s or Napsters! You wanted to steal music, you had to go to the damn record store and shoplift it yourself! Or you had to wait around all day to tape it off the radio and the DJ'd usually talk over the beginning and messed it all up!
You want to hear about hardship? You couldn't just download porn! You had to bribe some homeless dude to buy you a copy of "Hustler" at the 7-11! Those were your options.
We didn't have fancy crap like Call Waiting! If you were on the phone and somebody else called they got a busy signal! And we didn't have fancy Caller ID Boxes either! When the phone rang, you had no idea who it was it could be your boss, your mom, a collections agent, your drug dealer, you didn't know!!! You just had to pick it up and take your chances, mister!
We didn't have any fancy Sony PlayStation videogames, either, with high-resolution 3-D graphics! We had the Atari 2600! With games like "Space Invaders" and "Asteroids" and the graphics sucked! Your little guy was a little square! You had to use your imagination! And there were no multiple levels or screens; it was just one screen forever! And you could never win, the game just kept getting harder and faster until you died! Just like LIFE!
When you went to the movie theater there was no such thing as stadium seating! All the seats were the same height! If a tall guy sat in front of you and you couldn't see you were just screwed!
Sure, we had cable television, but back then that was only 20 channels and there was no onscreen menu and no remote control! You had to use a little book called a TV Guide to find out what was on! You were screwed when it came to channel surfing you had to get off your ass and walk over to the TV to change the channel and there was no Cartoon Network! You could only get cartoons on Saturday Morning... D'ya hear what I'm saying!?! We had to wait ALL WEEK, you spoiled little bastards!
We didn't have microwaves; if we wanted to heat something up we had to use the stove imagine that! If we wanted popcorn we had to use that stupid jiffy pop and shake it over the stove like an idiot forever.
That's exactly what I'm talking about!
You kids today have got it too easy. You're spoiled little bastards and don't appreciate how good you have it, you guys wouldn't have lasted five minutes back in 1980!
Schwarzenegger has a big one
Michael J. Fox has a small one
Madonna doesn't have one
All Pope's have one but don't use it !?
Clinton uses his all the time
Mickey Mouse has an unusual one
Liberace never used his on women
Jerry Seinfeld is very, very proud of his
Cher claims that she took on 3
We never saw Lucy use Desi's
What is it? (Answer below! This is really good.)
The answer is: "A Last Name." (You didn't think I'd post a dirty joke, did you?)
Saturday, October 22, 2011
Four worms were placed into four separate jars.
The first worm was put into a jar of alcohol.
The second worm was put into a jar of cigarette smoke.
The third worm was put into a jar of sperm.
The fourth worm was put into a jar of good clean soil.
At the conclusion of the Sermon, the Minister reported the following results:
The first worm in alcohol - Dead.
The second worm in cigarette smoke - Dead.
Third worm in sperm - Dead.
Fourth worm in good clean soil - Alive.
So the Minister asked the congregation,
"What can you learn from this demonstration?"
A little old woman in the back quickly raised her hand and said,
"As long as you drink, smoke and have sex, you won't have worms."
The slower the pictures move, the better your ability of handling stress.
Alleged criminals see them spinning around madly while seniors and kids see them still.
If you still think that there's a trick here, you may wish to print it (even black and white) and by then you're sure that it's a still picture...
Look at it again and check your level of stress...