***Disclaimer***

*****Disclaimer: The Wizard of 'OZ' makes no money at all from 'OZ' - The 'Other' Side of the Rainbow. 'OZ' is 100 % ad-free*****

Tuesday, November 30, 2010

Adventure With Grandma - A Neat Story


Awesome Grandma

I remember my first Christmas adventure with Grandma. I was
just a kid. I remember tearing across town on my bike to
visit her on the day my big sister dropped the bomb: "There
is no Santa Claus," she jeered. "Even dummies know that!"

My Grandma was not the gushy kind, never had been. I fled to
her that day because I knew she would be straight with me. I
knew Grandma always told the truth, and I knew that the
truth always went down a whole lot easier when swallowed
with one of her world-famous cinnamon buns. I knew they were
world-famous, because Grandma said so. It had to be true.

Grandma was home, and the buns were still warm. Between bites,
I told her everything. She was ready for me. "No Santa
Claus!" she snorted. "Ridiculous! Don't believe it. That
rumor has been going around for years, and it makes me mad,
plain mad. Now, put on your coat, and let's go."

"Go? Go where, Grandma?" I asked. I hadn't even finished my
second world-famous, cinnamon bun. "Where" turned out to be
Kerby's General Store, the one store in town that had a
little bit of just about everything. As we walked through
its doors, Grandma handed me ten dollars. That was a bundle
in those days. "Take this money," she said, "and buy
something for someone who needs it. I'll wait for you in the
car." Then she turned and walked out of Kerby's.

I was only eight years old. I'd often gone shopping with my
mother, but never had I shopped for anything all by myself.
The store seemed big and crowded, full of people scrambling
to finish their Christmas shopping. For a few moments I
just stood there, confused, clutching that ten dollar bill,
wondering what to buy, and who on earth to buy it for.

I thought of everybody I knew: my family, my friends, my
neighbors, the kids at school, the people who went to my
church. I was just about thought out, when I suddenly
thought of Bobby Decker. He was a kid with bad breath and
messy hair, and he sat right behind me in Mrs.Pollock's
grade-two class. Bobby Decker didn't have a coat. I knew
that because he never went out for recess during the winter.
His mother always wrote a note, telling the teacher that he
had a cough, but all we kids knew that Bobby Decker didn't have
a cough, and he didn't have a coat. I fingered the
ten dollar bill with growing excitement. I would buy
Bobby Decker a coat!

I settled on a red corduroy one that had a hood to it. It
looked real warm, and he would like that. "Is this a
Christmas present for someone?" the lady behind the counter
asked kindly, as I laid my ten dollars down. "Yes," I
replied shyly. "It's .... for Bobby." The nice lady smiled at
me. I didn't get any change, but she put the coat in a bag
and wished me a Merry Christmas.

That evening, Grandma helped me wrap the coat in Christmas
paper and ribbons (a little tag fell out of the coat, and
Grandma tucked it in her Bible) and wrote, "To Bobby, From
Santa Claus" on it -- Grandma said that Santa always
insisted on secrecy. Then she drove me over to BobbyDecker's
house, explaining as we went that I was now and forever
officially one of Santa's helpers.

Grandma parked down the street from Bobby's house, and she and
I crept noiselessly and hid in the bushes by his front walk.
Then Grandma gave me a nudge. "All right, Santa Claus," she
whispered, "get going."

I took a deep breath, dashed for his front door, threw the
present down on his step, pounded his doorbell and flew back
to the safety of the bushes and Grandma. Together we waited
breathlessly in the darkness for the front door to open.
Finally it did, and there stood Bobby.

Fifty years haven't dimmed the thrill of those moments spent
shivering, beside my Grandma, in Bobby Decker's bushes. That
night, I realized that those awful rumors about Santa Claus
were just what Grandma said they were: ridiculous.
Santa was alive and well, and we were on his team.

I still have the Bible, with the tag tucked inside: $19.95.


"He who has no Christmas in his heart will never find Christmas under a tree."

Old Hollywood Squares


The Hollywood Squares


Peter MarshallThese great questions and answers are from days when "Hollywood Squares" game show responses were spontaneous and clever, not scripted and (often) dull as they are now. Peter Marshall was the host asking the questions, of course.

Please note: Alot of these people answering the questions are now no longer with us!

Q. Do female frogs croak?
A. Paul Lynde: If you hold their little heads under water long enough.

Q. If you're going to make a parachute jump, at least how high should you be?
A. Charley Weaver: Three days of steady drinking should do it.

Q. True or False, a pea can last as long as 5,000 years.
A. George Gobel: Boy, it sure seems that way sometimes.

Q. You've been having trouble going to sleep. Are you probably a man or a woman?
A. Don Knotts: That's what's been keeping me awake.

Q. According to Cosmo, if you meet a stranger at a party and you think that he is attractive, is it okay to come out and ask him if he's married?
A. Rose Marie: No, wait until morning.

Q. Which of your five senses tends to diminish as you get older?
A. Charley Weaver: My sense of decency.

Q. In Hawaiian, does it take more than three words to say "I Love You"?
A. Vincent Price: No, you can say it with a pineapple and a twenty.

Q. What are "Do It," "I Can Help," and "I Can't Get Enough"?
A. George Gobel: I don't know, but it's coming from the next apartment.

Q. As you grow older, do you tend to gesture more or less with your hands while talking?
A. Rose Marie: You ask me one more growing old question Peter, and I'll give you a gesture you'll never forget.

Q. Paul, why do Hell's Angels wear leather?
A. Paul Lynde: Because chiffon wrinkles too easily.

Q. Charley, you've just decided to grow strawberries. Are you going to get any during the first year?
A. Charley Weaver: Of course not, I'm too busy growing strawberries.

Q. In bowling, what's a perfect score?
A. Rose Marie: Ralph, the pin boy.

Q. It is considered in bad taste to discuss two subjects at Paul Lyndenudist camps. One is politics, what is the other?
A. Paul Lynde: Tape measures.

Q. When you pat a dog on its head he will wag his tail. What will a goose do?
A. Paul Lynde: Make him bark?

Q. If you were pregnant for two years, what would you give birth to?
A. Paul Lynde: Whatever it is, it would never be afraid of the dark.

Q. According to Ann Landers, is there anything wrong with getting into the habit of kissing a lot of people?
A. Charley Weaver: It got me out of the army.

Q. While visiting China, your tour guide starts shouting "Poo! Poo! Poo!" What does this mean?
A. George Gobel: Cattle crossing.

Q. Back in the old days, when Great Grandpa put horseradish on his head, what was he trying to do?
A. George Gobel: Get it in his mouth.

Charley WeaverQ. When a couple have a baby, who is responsible for its sex?
A. Charley Weaver: I'll lend him the car, the rest is up to him.

Q. Jackie Gleason recently revealed that he firmly believes in them and has actually seen them on at least two occasions. What are they?
A. Charley Weaver: His feet

Q. According to Ann Landers, what are two things you should never do in bed?
A. Paul Lynde: Point and Laugh.



PECANS IN THE CEMETERY


Cemetary On the outskirts of a small town, there was a big, old pecan tree just inside the cemetery fence. One day, two boys filled up a bucketful of nuts and sat down by the tree, out of sight, and began dividing the nuts.

"One for you, one for me. One for you, one for me," said one boy. Several dropped and rolled down toward the fence. Another boy came riding along the road on his bicycle. As he passed, he thought he heard voices from inside the cemetery. He slowed down to investigate.

Sure enough, he heard, "One for you, one for me. One for you, one for me." He just knew what it was. He jumped back on his bike and rode off. Just around the bend he met an old man with a cane, hobbling along.

"Come here quick," said the boy, "you won't believe what I heard! Satan and the Lord are down at the cemetery dividing up the souls."

The man said, "Beat it kid, can't you see it's hard for me to walk."

When the boy insisted though, the man hobbled slowly to the cemetry. Standing by the fence they heard, "One for you, one for me.One for you, one for me..."

The old man whispered, "Boy, you've been tellin' me the truth. Let's see if we can see the Lord."

Shaking with fear, they peered through the fence, yet were still unable to see anything. The old man and the boy gripped the wrought iron bars of the fence tighter and tighter as they tried to get a glimpse of the Lord.

At last they heard, "One for you, one for me. That's all. Now let's go get those nuts by the fence and we'll be done."

They say the old man made it back to town a full 5 minutes ahead of the kid on the bike.


The Love Doctor


The Love Doctor Dear Love Doctor,

I need your help right away. This is an emergency. I've got myself in an awful jam.

Last night the company I work for had its annual Christmas Party. I got a little drunk, and at some point in the evening I found myself in the washroom with my boss.

This guy is really nice. He's also very handsome, but very married. At any rate, I said some things I shouldn't have and then kissed him. On the lips. And, he kissed me back.

As far as I know he's straight and the whole thing shocked into sobering up.

What do I do now?

I'm afraid he's going to freak out on me. Should I say anything, like apologize?

After I kissed him I quickly left the bathroom, and left the party.

Signed,

Messy Drunk


Dear Messy,

Christmas Parties are supposed to be fun times, but invariably they are the scenes for some sort of major problem. Either someone gets liquored up and tells off the boss, or someone else gets caught in the coatroom with someone other than their spouse.

I don't know what your working relationship is with your boss, but, one thing is certain it will never be quite the same.

That he kissed you back doesn't really help either. If he was drunk, he may not have meant it. Then again, he may be a closet case. Either way he may be as embarrassed as you are.

For the next few weeks you should just try to lie low and stay out of his way.

If he is interested in you for more than an employee he'll find a way to let you know. If he isn't let's hope the whole thing blows over. But, do not say or do anything to make him feel that you are treating him any differently. If he feels threatened you could be history.

Your situation is a good warning to all of us, and brings to mind an old adage: 'You don't crap where you eat.'



The Love Doctor


Monday, November 29, 2010

A Normal Day?


For these two German dudes, a normal day is filled with a series of throwing and balancing feats. Luck and persistence – or actual skill? Either way, they’re fun to watch.




Jones Bacon Flavoured Soda


Everything is better with bacon, right?!?!

Introducing the one time only Jones Bacon Soda. We teamed up with the creative group at Bacon Salt, for this holiday treat you don't want to miss.
Each case includes:

* 2 Bottles of Jones Bacon Soda
* 1 Tube of Bacon Lip Balm
* 1 Package of Bacon Popcorn
* 1 Package of Bacon Gravy Mix

Click below to order yours today! (The Wizard makes no money on anything you order from these guys...)



2010 NYC Marathon: Runners



".... and don't call me Shirley!"


Leslie NielsenFORT LAUDERDALE, Fla. (AP) - Leslie Nielsen, who went from drama to inspired bumbling as a hapless doctor in "Airplane!" and the accident-prone detective Frank Drebin in the "Naked Gun" comedies, has died. He was 84.

His agent John S. Kelly says Nielsen died Sunday at a hospital near his home in Ft. Lauderdale where he was being treated for pneumonia.

The Canadian-born Nielsen came to Hollywood in the mid-1950s after performing in 150 live television dramas in New York. With a craggily handsome face, blond hair and 6-foot-2 height, he seemed ideal for a movie leading man.

He quickly became known as a serious actor, although behind the camera he was a prankster. That was an aspect of his personality never exploited, however, until "Airplane!" was released in 1980 and became a huge hit.


*CelebrityDeathBeeper.com


Sunday, November 28, 2010

Visions of ......


... Danced in his head....

Visions of Santa

Naughty Boys and Girls!


Naughty Boys and Girls!

What drinkin' will do to ya


After 4 beers....
After 4 beers...


After 2 glasses of wine....
After 2 glasses of wine...


After 3 Kamikazes...
After 3 Kamikazes...


After 2 bottles of wine (shared of course)....
After 2 bottles of wine (shared of course)....


After too many Margaritas....
After too many Margaritas....

(Note how the head must be restrained to prevent it from exploding)
(Note how the head must be restrained to prevent it from exploding)


After 4 six-packs....
After 4 six-packs....

The Three Pigs


The mind of a 6-year old is a wonderful and amazing thing.

One day the infant school teacher was reading the story of the Three Little Pigs to her class.

She came to the part of the story where the first pig was trying to accumulate the building materials for his home. She read, "..And so the pig went up to the man with the wheelbarrow full of straw and said, Pardon me sir, but may I have some of that straw to build my house?'" The teacher paused then asked the class, "And what do you think that man said?"

One little boy raised his hand and said, "I think he said...'Holy F***! A talking pig!"

The teacher was unable to teach for the next 10 minutes.


Saturday, November 27, 2010

This should be required reading for the Conservatives, Liberals and the NDP


"Understanding Tax Cuts"

Sometimes politicians, journalists and the liberal left exclaim; "It's just a tax cut for the rich!" and it is just accepted to be fact.

But what does that really mean?

Just in case you are not completely clear on this issue, I hope the following will help. Please read it carefully. Let's put tax cuts in terms everyone can understand.

Suppose that every day, ten men go out for dinner and the bill for all ten comes to $100. If they paid their bill the way we pay our taxes, it would go something like this:

' The first four men (the poorest) would pay nothing.
' The fifth would pay $1.
' The sixth would pay $3.
' The seventh would pay $7.
' The eighth would pay $12.
' The ninth would pay $18.
' The tenth man (the richest) would pay $59.

So, that's what they decided to do.

The ten men ate dinner in the restaurant every day and seemed quite happy with the arrangement, until one day, the owner threw them a curve.

"Since you are all such good customers," he said, "I'm going to reduce the cost of your daily meal by $20." Dinner for the ten now cost just $80.

The group still wanted to pay their bill the way we pay our taxes so the first four men were unaffected. They would still eat for free. But what about the other six men - the paying customers? How could they divide the $20 windfall so that everyone would get his 'fair share?'

They realized that $20 divided by six is $3.33. But if they subtracted that from everybody's share, then the fifth man and the sixth man would each end up being paid to eat their meal.

So, the restaurant owner suggested that it would be fair to reduce each man's bill by roughly the same amount, and he proceeded to work out the amounts each should pay.

And so:

' The fifth man, like the first four, now paid nothing (100% savings).
' The sixth now paid $2 instead of $3 (33% savings).
' The seventh now paid $5 instead of $7 (28% savings).
' The eighth now paid $9 instead of $12 (25% savings).
' The ninth now paid $14 instead of $18 (22% savings).
' The tenth now paid $49 instead of $59 (16% savings).

Each of the six was better off than before. And the first four continued to eat for free. But once outside the restaurant, the men began to compare their savings.

"I only got a dollar out of the $20," declared the sixth man. He pointed to the tenth man," but he got $10!"

"Yeah, that's right," exclaimed the fifth man. "I only saved a dollar, too. It's unfair that he got ten times more than me!"

"That's true!!" shouted the seventh man. "Why should he get $10 back when I got only two? The wealthy get all the breaks!"

"Wait a minute," yelled the first four men in unison. "We didn't get anything at all. The system exploits the poor!"

The nine men surrounded the tenth and beat him up.

The next night the tenth man didn't show up for dinner, so the nine sat down and ate without him. But when it came time to pay the bill, they discovered something important. They didn't have enough money between all of them for even half of the bill!

And that, boys and girls, journalists and college professors, is how our tax system works. The people who pay the highest taxes get the most benefit from a tax reduction. Tax them too much, attack them for being wealthy, and they just may not show up anymore. In fact, they might start eating overseas where the atmosphere is somewhat friendlier.


Sand Art


Sand Art

Sand Art

Sand Art

Sand Art

Sand Art

Sand Art

Sand Art

The Beach


Homo Beach
Hyuk!

7 reasons not to mess with a child


A little girl: was talking to her teacher about whales.

The teacher: said it was physically impossible for a whale to swallow a human because even though it was a very large mammal its throat was very small.

The little girl: stated that Jonah was swallowed by a whale.

Irritated, the teacher: reiterated that a whale could not swallow a human;
it was physically impossible.

The little girl: said, "When I get to heaven I will ask Jonah".

The teacher: asked, " What if Jonah went to hell?"

The little girl: replied, "Then you ask him".



A Kindergarten teacher: was observing her classroom of children while they were drawing. She would occasionally walk around to see each child's work.

As she got to one little girl who was working diligently, she asked what the drawing was.

The girl: replied, "I'm drawing God."

The teacher: paused and said, "But no one knows what God looks like."

Without missing a beat, or looking up from her drawing, the girl: replied, "They will in a minute."



A Sunday school teacher: was discussing the Ten Commandments with her five and six year olds.

After explaining the commandment to "honor" thy Father and thy Mother, she asked, "Is there a commandment that teaches us how to treat our brothers and sisters?"

Without missing a beat one little boy: (the oldest of a family) answered, "Thou shall not kill."



One day a little girl was sitting and watching her mother do the dishes at the kitchen sink. She suddenly noticed that her mother had several strands of white hair sticking out in contrast on her brunette ZZZhead.

She looked at her mother and inquisitively asked, "Why are some of your hairs white, Mom?"

Her mother replied, "Well, every time that you do something wrong and make me cry or unhappy, one of my hairs turns white."

The little girl thought about this revelation for a while and then said, "Momma, how come ALL of grandma's hairs are white?"



The children had all been photographed, and the teacher was trying to persuade them each to buy a copy of the group picture.

"Just think how nice it will be to look at it when you are all grown up and say, 'There's Jennifer, she's a lawyer,' or 'That's Michael, He's a doctor.' A small voice at the back of the room rang out, "And there's the teacher, She's dead. "



A teacher was giving a lesson on the circulation of the blood. Trying to make the matter clearer, she said, "Now, class, if I stood on my head, the blood, as you know, would run into it, and I would turn red in the face.."

"Yes," the class said.

"Then why is it that while I am standing upright in the ordinary position the blood doesn't run into my feet?"

A little fellow shouted,

"Cause your feet ain't empty."



The children were lined up in the cafeteria of a Catholic elementary school for lunch. At the head of the table was a large pile of apples. The nun made a note, and posted on the apple tray:

"Take only ONE. God is watching."

Moving further along the lunch line, at the other end of the table was a large pile of chocolate chip cookies.

A child had written a note, "Take all you want. God is watching the apples.



It doesn't matter how many people you send this to, just remember if it made you laugh, your friends will laugh too.


Friday, November 26, 2010

1895 8th grade final exam**


**Check this out regarding the 'story' below: Urban Legends

What it took to get an 8th grade education in 1895...

Remember when grandparents and great-grandparents stated that they only had an 8th grade education? Well, check this out. Could any of us have passed the 8th grade in 1895?

This is the eighth-grade final exam from 1895 in Salina , Kansas , USA ... It was taken from the original document on file at the Smokey Valley Genealogical Society and Library in Salina , and reprinted by the Salina Journal..

8th Grade Final Exam:
Salina , KS - 1895


Grammar (Time, one hour)
1. Give nine rules for the use of capital letters.
2. Name the parts of speech and define those that have no modifications.
3. Define verse, stanza and paragraph.
4. What are the principal parts of a verb? Give principal parts of 'lie,' 'play,' and 'run'.
5. Define case; illustrate each case.
6 What is punctuation? Give rules for principal marks of punctuation.
7 - 10. Write a composition of about 150 words and show therein that you understand the practical use of the rules of grammar.

Arithmetic (Time, 1 hour 15 minutes)
1. Name and define the Fundamental Rules of Arithmetic.
2. A wagon box is 2 ft. Deep, 10 feet Long, and 3 ft. Wide. How many bushels of wheat will it hold?
3. If a load of wheat weighs 3,942 lbs, what is it worth at 50 cts/bushel, deducting 1,050 lbs for tare?
4. District No 33 has a valuation of $35,000. What is the necessary levy to carry on a school seven months at $50 per month, and have $104 for incidentals?
5. Find the cost of 6,720 lbs. Coal at $6.00 per ton.
6. Find the interest of $512.60 for 8 months and 18 days at 7 percent per annum.
7. What is the cost of 40 boards 12 inches wide and 16 ft long at $20 per metre?
8. Find bank discount on $300 for 90 days (no grace) at 10 percent.
9. What is the cost of a square farm at $15 per acre, the distance of which is 640 rods?
10. Write a Bank Check, a Promissory Note, and a Receipt.

U.S. History (Time, 45 minutes)
1. Give the epochs into which U.S. History is divided.
2. Give an account of the discovery of America by Columbus.
3. Relate the causes and results of the Revolutionary War.
4. Show the territorial growth of the United States.
5. Tell what you can of the history of Kansas.
6. Describe three of the most prominent battles of the Rebellion.
7. Who were the following: Morse, Whitney, Fulton , Bell , Lincoln , Penn, and Howe?
8. Name events connected with the following dates: 1607, 1620, 1800, 1849, 1865.

Orthography (Time, one hour)
[Do we even know what this is??]
1. What is meant by the following: alphabet, phonetic, orthography, etymology, syllabication?
2. What are elementary sounds? How classified?
3. What are the following, and give examples of each: trigraph, subvocals, diphthong, cognate letters, linguals?
4. Give four substitutes for caret 'u'.
5. Give two rules for spelling words with final 'e.' Name two exceptions under each rule.
6. Give two uses of silent letters in spelling. Illustrate each.
7. Define the following prefixes and use in connection with a word: bi, dis, pre, semi, post, non, inter, mono, sup.
8. Mark diacritically and divide into syllables the following, and name the sign that indicates the sound: card, ball, mercy, sir, odd, cell, rise, blood, fare, last.
9. Use the following correctly in sentences: cite, site, sight, fane, fain, feign, vane , vain, vein, raze, raise, rays.
10. Write 10 words frequently mispronounced and indicate pronunciation by use of diacritical marks and by syllabication.

Geography (Time, one hour)
1 What is climate? Upon what does climate depend?
2. How do you account for the extremes of climate in Kansas?
3. Of what use are rivers? Of what use is the ocean?
4. Describe the mountains of North America.
5. Name and describe the following: Monrovia , Odessa , Denver , Manitoba , Hecla , Yukon , St. Helena, Juan Fernandez, Aspinwall and Orinoco.
6. Name and locate the principal trade centers of the U.S. Name all the republics of Europe and give the capital of each.
8. Why is the Atlantic Coast colder than the Pacific in the same latitude?
9. Describe the process by which the water of the ocean returns to the sources of rivers.
10. Describe the movements of the earth. Give the inclination of the earth.


HUH??? Are they kidding??? This is hard to believe....

Notice that the exam took FIVE HOURS to complete.

Gives the saying 'he only had an 8th grade education' a whole new meaning, doesn't it?!

Also shows you how poor our education system has become and, NO, I don't have the answers!

You should know them because you have at least an eighth grade education, don't you !!!!!!!!!!!

Q and A


Q: What are big cats in Old Compton Street* thinking as they stalk slowly very low down in the elephant grass towards you?

A: Ooooh! Haven't I got nice shoulders ducky?! Just look at them going up and down! Oooh! I'm soee butch!


Gay Cat
*The street is the centre of London's gay community. In the middle of Soho.

TROY - The Latest Strip


--Wizard's Note: I have updated all the TROY posts to reflect Michael Derry's new domain. Links are no longer broken--


This a gay-themed comic

Click Above Then choose 'Current Strip'

Click Above Then choose 'Current Strip'.



The new comic, Troy #268, Leviticus Shmiticus is out in the magazines and up online. Derrick has it out with Sister Shawna.

And you can find Michael's books and ebooks for sale at TROYTooner.


Nativity Scene


A Nativity Scene was erected in a church yard.

During the night the folks came across this scene.

An abandoned dog was looking for a comfortable, protected place to sleep. He chose baby Jesus as his comfort. No one had the heart to send him away so he was there all night.

Dog in Nativity Scene
We should all have the good sense of this dog and curl up in Jesus' lap from time to time.

No one mentioned that the dogs breed is a "shepherd!"


*Thanks, Dw

Thursday, November 25, 2010

NON - Blue Man Group!



*Thanks, Darcene

The Rider's Prayer


Saskatchewan Roughriders

Our quarterback
Who art in Edmonton
Darian be thy name
Thy game be done, thy will be WON
In Commonwealth as it was in Mosiac

Give us this game, The Grey Cup Game
And forget about Calgary's whiners
As we forgive those who can't measure up to us
Lead us not into interception
But deliver us from Calvillo

For thine are the Riders
With the Power and the Glory
Forever and ever

Amen !

Happy Thanksgiving to all my American Friends!



Michael shoots his .45 with his feet



Wednesday, November 24, 2010

Peter Paige

Peter Paige Gay Celebrity Profile: Actor
by Ramon Johnson From Ramon Johnson, Your Guide

About Peter Paige: Peter Paige is an accomplished stage, film and television actor. Peter enjoys tennis, sushi and candy during his "limited" off-time in Los Angeles.

Peter's First Break: On his first Los Angeles audition, Peter landed a guest starring role on the TV series, "Suddenly Susan". His television credits also include guest roles on "Will & Grace", "Time of Your Life", "Girlfriends", and "Caroline in the City".

The Queer As Folk Legacy: Millions of households invited Emmett into their homes during Showtime's previous breakthrough series, "Queer As Folk". Peter Paige played the essentric Emmett Honeycutt.


Click here for more on queerasfolk

For more on QAF, click above.

Peter Paige on Stage: Peter Paige has worked with several regional theaters throughout the U.S. His favorite theatrical roles were "A Midsummer Night’s Dream" (Portland Center Stage), "The Rivals" (Portland Center Stage), "Secret Agents" (Artemis Productions), "You’re a Good Man, Charlie Brown" (Charles Playhouse ), and "Pantophobia" (HBO Workspace), his two-man show written and performed with Abraham Higginbotham.

Peter Paige on Screen: Peter created his own production company, Best Little Boy Productions, in 2003. Its inaugural feature, "Say Uncle", was written and directed by Peter himself and starred Kathy Najimy, Anthony Clark, Lisa Edelstein, Jim Ortleib, Melanie Lynskey, and Gabrielle Union.

Other film credits include Don McKellar’s "Childstar", the Showtime movie "Our America" (Sundance 2002), "Pop", and the award-winning shorts "The Four of Us" and "The Shooting".



Buy this and other posters at MovieGoods.com®

The Physics of Santa Claus


1. No known species of reindeer can fly. BUT there are 300,000 species of living organisms yet to be classified, and while most of these are insects and germs, this does not COMPLETELY rule out flying reindeer which only Santa has ever seen.

2. There are 2 billion children (persons under 18) in the world. BUT since Santa doesn't (appear) to handle the Muslim, Hindu, Jewish and Buddhist children, that reduces the workload to 15% of the total - 378 million according to the Population Reference Bureau. At an average (census rate of 3.5 children per household, that's 91.8 million homes. One presumes there's at least one good child in each.

3. Santa has 31 hours of Christmas to work with, thanks to the different time zones and the rotation of the earth, and assuming he travels east to west (which seems logical). This works out to 822.6 visits per second. This is to say that for each Christian household with good children, Santa has 1/1000th of a second to park, hop out of his sleigh, jump down the chimnye, fill the stockings, distribute the remaining presents under the tree, eat whatever snacks have been left, get back up the chimney, get back into the sleigh and move on to the next house. Assuming that each of these 91.8 million stops are evenly distributed around the earth (which, of course we know to be false but for the purpose of our calculations we will accept), we are now talking aabout .78 miles per household, a total trip of 75.5 million miles, not counting stops to do what most of us must do at least once every 31 hours, plus feeding and etc.This means that Santa's sleigh is moving at 650 miles per second, 3000 times the speed of sound. For purposes of comparison, the fastest man-made vehicle on earth, the Ulysses space probe, moves at a poky 27.4 miles per second - a conventional reindeer can run, tops, 15 miles per hour.

4. The payload on the sleigh adds another interesting element. Assuming that each child gets nothing more than a medium-sized lego set (2 pounds), the sleigh is carrying 321,300 tons, not counting Santa, who is invariably described as overweight. On land, conventional reindeer can pull no more than 300 punds. Even granting that "flying reindeer" (refer to point #1) could pull TEN TIMES the normal load, we cannot do the job with eight, or even nine. We need 214,200 reindeer. This increases the payload - not even counting the weight of the sleigh - 353,430 tons. Again, for comparison - this is four times the weight of the Queen Elizabeth.

5. 353,000 tons traveling at 650 miles per second creates enormous air resistance - this will heat the reindeer up in the same fashion as spacecrafts re-entereing the earth's atmosphere. The lead pair of reindeer will absorb 14.3 QUINTILLION joules of energy per SECOND, EACH! In short, hey will burst into flames almost instantaneously, exposing the reindeer behind them, and create a deafening sonic boom in their wake. The entire reindeer team will be vaporized within 4.26 thousanths of a second. Santa, meanwhile, will be subjected to centrifugal* forces 17,500.06 times greater than gravity. A 250 pound Santa (which seems ludicrously slim) would be pinned to the back of his sleigh by 4,315,015 pounds of force.

In conclusion - If Santa ever DID deliver presents on Christmas Eve, he's dead by now. (Sorry, Kids!)

* Please note that centrifugal is a made-up non existent word. The real word should be centripetal. Centrifugal is a made up force that physics people HATE! So please, everyone use the world centripetal, not centrifugal. Thanks!


Santa Claus

The Night Before Christmas


Soldiers sleeping on the floor
T'was the night before Christmas, He lived all alone,
In a one bedroom house, Made of plaster and stone.

I had come down the chimney, With presents to give,
And to see just who, In this home did live.

I looked all about, A strange sight I did see,
No tinsel, no presents, Not even a tree.

No stocking by the mantle, Just boots filled with sand,
On the wall hung pictures, Of far distant lands.

With medals and badges, Awards of all kinds,
A sober thought, Came through my mind.

For this house was different, It was dark and dreary,
I found the home of a soldier, Once I could see clearly.

The soldier lay sleeping, Silent, alone,
Curled up on the floor, In this one bedroom home.

The face was so gentle, The room in such disorder,
Not how I pictured, A Canadian soldier.

Was this the hero,Of whom I'd just read?,
Curled up on a poncho, The floor for a bed?

I realized the families, That I saw this night,
Owed their lives to these soldiers, Who were willing to fight.

Soon round the world, The children would play,
And grownups would celebrate, A bright Christmas Day.

They all enjoyed freedom, Each month of the year,
Because of the soldiers, Like the one lying here.

I couldn't help wonder, How many lay alone,
On a cold Christmas Eve, In a land far from home.

The very thought brought A tear to my eye,
I dropped to my knees, And started to cry.

The soldier awakened, And I heard a rough voice,
'Santa, don't cry. This life is my choice.

I fight for freedom, I don't ask for more,
My life is my God, My country, my corps.'

The soldier rolled over, And drifted to sleep,
I couldn't control it, I continued to weep.

I kept watch for hours, So silent and still,
And we both shivered, From the cold night's chill.

I didn't want to leave, On that cold, dark night,
This guardian of honor, So willing to fight.

Then the soldier rolled over, With a voice, soft and pure,
Whispered, 'Carry on Santa, It's Christmas Day, all is secure.'

One look at my watch, And I knew he was right,
'Merry Christmas my friend, And to all a good night.'


This poem was written by a peace keeping soldier stationed overseas. The following is his request, I think it is reasonable.


PLEASE. Would you do me the kind favor of forwarding this post to as many people as you can? Christmas will be coming soon and some credit is due to our Canadian service men and women for our being able to celebrate these Festivities. Let's try in this small way to pay a tiny bit of what we owe. Make People stop and think of our heroes, living and dead, who sacrificed themselves for us.


Santa paid a visit to Afganistan
*Thanks, Robert

A Christmas Story


'Twas the night before Christmas--Old Santa was pissed.
He cussed out the elves and threw down his list.
Miserable little brats, ungrateful little jerks.
I have a good mind to scrap the whole works!

I've busted my ass for damn near a year,
Instead of "Thanks Santa"--what do I hear?
The old lady bitches cause I work late at night.
The elves want more money--The reindeer all fight.

Rudolph got drunk and goosed all the maids.
Donner is pregnant and Vixen has AIDS.
And just when I thought that things would get better
Those assholes from the IRS sent me a letter,
They say I owe taxes--if that ain't damn funny
Who the hell ever sent Santa Claus any money?

And the kids these days--they all are the pits
They want the impossible--Those mean little shits
I spent a whole year making wagons and sleds
Assembling dolls...Their arms, legs and heads
I made a ton of yo yo's--No request for them,
They want computers and robots...they think - I'm IBM!

Flying through the air...dodging the trees
Falling down chimneys and skinning my knees
I'm quitting this job there's just no enjoyment
I'll sit on my fat ass and draw unemployment.

There's no Christmas this year now you know the reason,
I found me a blonde. I'm going SOUTH for the season


Ho Ho Ho!!


Tuesday, November 23, 2010

Ahhh, Winnipeg!


Cold Winnipeg, err.. WinterpegA curious fellow died one day and found himself waiting in the long line of judgment. As he stood there he noticed that some souls were allowed to march right through the pearly gates into Heaven. Others though, were led over to Satan who threw them into the burning pit.

But every so often, instead of hurling a poor soul into the fire, Satan would toss a soul off to one side into a small pile. After watching Satan do this several times, the fellow's curiosity got the best of him. So he strolled over and asked Satan what he was doing. "Excuse me, Mr. Prince of Darkness," he said. "I'm waiting in line for judgment, but I couldn't help wondering...why are you tossing those people aside instead of flinging them into the Fires of Hell with the others?"

"Ah, those...," Satan said with a groan. "They're all from Winnipeg. They're still too cold and wet to burn."


Girls Night Out


Two women friends had gone for a Girls Night Out, and had been decidedly over-enthusiastic on the cocktails.

Incredibly drunk and walking home, they needed to pee.

They were very near a graveyard and one of them suggested they do their business behind a head stone or something.

The first woman had nothing to wipe with so she thought she'd take off her panties, use them, then throw them away.

Her friend, however, was wearing a rather expensive underwear set and didn't want to ruin hers but was lucky to salvage a large ribbon from a wreath that was on one of the graves and proceeded to wipe herself with that.

After finishing, they then made off for home.

The next day the first woman's husband phoned the other husband and said, "These damn girls night out have got to stop. My wife came home last night without her panties."

"That's nothing, said the other husband, "Mine came back with a card stuck between the cheeks of her ass that said, "From All of Us At the Fire Station, We'll Never Forget You."


Japanese IQ Test


Click here to play.
Click Above


If you give up.. the answer is here.


Neato Photos!


Bill delivery

If ya can reach it, I'll pay em

Child Safety Restraint?

Child Safety Restraint?

Coffee-Holic

Coffee-Holic

First G-String?

First G-String?

Golf Partner

Good Golf Partner?

Mission Impossible?

Mission Impossible?

Pool Table

Pool Table

Racing Hedge

Racing Hedge

Sign

Sign

I'm So Happy! I Could Just...!!

I'm So Happy! I Could Just...!!

Squirrel buried wrong nuts!

Ultimate Jet-Ski!

Ultimate Jet-Ski!