*Thanks, Auntie `M`
Wednesday, February 28, 2007
ON YOU SHOULD HAVE DINED IN
Take-out order taker: May I have your name please?
Order taker: John?
Customer: No, Bill.
Order taker: Dion?
Order taker: Jill?
Customer: No, Bill. Do you know Bill Clinton?
Order taker: Yes.
Customer: My name is Bill, like in Bill Clinton.
Order taker: Okay, Dill Clinton. May I take your order, Sir Dill?
--exchange on the phone at a Manila take-out restaurant
Blondes have more hair than redheads do.
Though it’s incredibly difficult to count the hairs on anyone’s head, counting blonde hair would definitely take longer. While people with black hair have about 107,000 strands and brunettes about 110,000, blondes have as many as 140,000 strands. Redheads have the least amount, with only about 90,000.
How Smart Is Your Right Foot?
This is so funny that it will boggle your mind. And, you will keep trying it at least 50 more times to see if you can out-smart your foot. But you can't!!
1. While sitting at your desk, lift your right foot off the floor and make clockwise circles with it.
2. Now, while doing this, draw the number "6" in the air with your right hand.. Your foot will change direction!!!
I told you so.. And there is nothing you can do about it.
*Thanks, Auntie 'M'
A body builder takes off his shirt and the blonde says, "What a great chest you have."
He tells her, "That's 100 lbs. of dynamite, baby."
He takes off his pants and the blonde says, "What massive calves you have."
The bodybuilder tells her, "That's 100 lbs. of dynamite, baby."
He then removes his underwear and the blonde goes running out of the apartment screaming in fear. The body builder puts his clothes back on and chases after her. He catches up to her and asks why she ran out of the apartment like that.
The blonde replies, "I was afraid to be around all that dynamite when I saw how short the fuse was."
Monday, February 26, 2007
It has long been said that the full Moon has a powerful effect on our emotional state, creating tides of emotions within us...
When we experience such turbulent emotions, it is difficult to believe that we could ever feel harmony and peace within ourselves again.
Highly charged feelings cause havoc in our lives, and when The Moon appears in your readings, you can be sure there are issues in your life that are causing confusion and mixed emotions.
When this card appears, it is suggesting you take a step back and view your situation from a different perspective and with a calmer logic.
However, The Moon does represent powerful feelings and it isn’t always easy to gain clarity: we often can’t ‘see the wood for the trees’. The path to clarity and understanding is a challenging one, yet despite the emotional wrenches you may feel, it is right for you.
For example, if you are in a situation where you need to let go of a lover or partner for whatever reason, but emotionally cannot summon up the courage to do so, even though you know it’s the right thing to do, trust that the new path you seek is right for you.
Often when a decision is very difficult and causes strong emotional resistance within us, we allow our weaker nature to rule. However, in many of these situations it is a brave heart and clear mind that help us see through the fog of unruly emotion and step onto our true path.
The Moon not only represents illusion caused by powerful emotions, but also illusion or trickery created by other people’s lies or misleading behavior. Therefore, when The Moon appears in a reading, it’s a good idea to question your motives and those of people close to you, and it is best to refrain from making firm decisions until you know and feel a sense of certainty about your choices.
The wan light of The Moon does in some way shed light upon the right path for us, but because we cannot see clearly in dim light we doubt ourselves and hold back from taking the steps forward.
The Moon may suggest that your avoidance to take action or make a tough decision about a certain situation is simply due to fear of loss. Fear has much to do with The Moon, and courage is always needed to conquer fear, so take your time when The Moon appears in your readings and search for your inner courage. With patience you will find the clarity you seek.
Life and Peace be with You --Cinosam
Prince Harry, the son of Prince Charles and Lady Diana, third in line to the throne of England, is being deployed to Iraq. So the Wizard hit the streets again, asking, "What do you think?"
"Queen Elizabeth did well as a machine-gunner during World War II, so I wouldn't expect any less of her grandson."
"Man, Iraqi phone lines are going to be inundated with prank callers asking if they have Prince Harry in a tank."
"Great. Another kid with maternal-abandonment issues and a gun."
*American Voices, The Onion
(Hollywood, California) Mob epic "The Departed" won the Academy Award for best picture Sunday. It's director, Martin Scorsese was named best director. It was his first win after five previous losses.
Helen Mirren won the best actress Academy Award Sunday night for her role in "The Queen."
Forest Whitaker took the best-actor Academy Award for "The Last King of Scotland," playing Ugandan dictator Idi Amin.
Jennifer Hudson won the supporting-actress Academy Award for "Dreamgirls," her first film role.
Her costar, Eddie Murphy, lost the supporting-actor prize to Alan Arkin of "Little Miss Sunshine."
"An Inconvenient Truth," a chronicle of Al Gore's campaign to warn the world about global warming, was picked as best documentary.
Melissa Etheridge won the Oscar for best-song for the anthem "I Need to Wake Up" from the film.
"First I want to thank my wife Tammy," the lesbian singer said, referring to her spouse Tammy Lynn Michaels.
Ethridge beat out three songs featured in "Dreamgirls" and one from the movie "Cars."
Composer Gustavo Santaolalla won his second straight Oscar for original score for "Babel." He won the same prize a year ago for "Brokeback Mountain."
"Little Miss Sunshine," which leapt from low-budget indie to become a commercial hit won the original screenplay Oscar for first-time screenwriter Michael Arndt.
Ellen DeGeneres served as a noble ringleader for the ceremonies. Her opening monologue was as distinctly low key as her pant suit. DeGeneres noted the broad scope - internationally, racially and sexually - of this year's nominees.
"Such diversity in the room in a year where there's been so many negative things said about people's race, religion and sexual orientation," said DeGeneres.
"And I want to put this out there: If there weren't blacks, Jews or gays, there would be no Oscars.
"Or anyone named Oscar, when you think about that," she said.
ON STRAWS, MORE REWARDING THAN YOU EVER DREAMED!
"Let’s try homeparty fashionably and have a joyful chat with nice fellow.
Fujinami’s straw will produce you young party happily and exceedingly.
Flexible straws which we can bend freely are very convenient for us."
--slogans on the box of Fresh flexible straws, Japan
Sunday, February 25, 2007
Send your jokes, stories, catoons etc to me by clicking on my picture at the top left corner of 'OZ'. I always provide credit unless told otherwise. Due to the volume of submissions, material may not be published the day they are submitted and due to constraints of Blogger, The Wizard reserves the right to edit submitted material, change picture sizes etc, while maintaining the quality of the submitted material. For non-original materials, please quote the source of the material.
Created using Lionel's "Tall Tale" generator.
Did you hear about the disaster at a major Canadian University?
A team of scientists were cloning monkeys and one of them blew up.
The researchers are now trying to determine what went wrong by sifting through the Rhesus' pieces.
A Golgi body is a greenish cluster of stars.
Along with mitochondria, endoplasmic reticulum, vesicles, and the nucleus, a Golgi body is part of a cell. The Golgi body is responsible for modifying and shipping proteins and lipids for the cell to either use or discharge. Also called the Golgi apparatus, it is named after Camillo Golgi, an Italian cytologist (scientist who studies cells) who won the 1906 Nobel Prize in Physiology or Medicine.
Nice Gogli on your t-shirt!
Three Little Pigs went out to dinner one night. The waiter came and took their drink order.
"I would like a Sprite," said the first little piggy.
"I would like a Coke," said the second little piggy.
"I want beer, lots and lots of beer," said the third little piggy.
The drinks were brought out and the waiter took their orders for dinner.
"I want a nice big steak," said the first piggy.
"I would like the salad plate," said the second piggy.
"I want beer, lots and lots of beer," said the third little piggy.
The meals were brought out and a while later the waiter approached the table and asked if the piggies would like any dessert.
"I want a banana split," said the first piggy.
"I want a cheesecake," said the second piggy.
"I want beer, lots and lots of beer," exclaimed the third little piggy.
"Pardon me for asking," said the waiter to the third little piggy,"
But why have you only ordered beer all evening?"
The third piggy says -
"Well, somebody has to go wee, wee, all the way home!
*Thanks, Auntie 'M'