Fantasy Island is a small tourist spot on an island in the South Pacific.
It exists only on television. The program Fantasy Island made its debut in 1978 and ran for seven seasons. The “guests” paid $50,000 to fulfill their fantasy on this exclusive island. Upon their arrival, guests were greeted with, “My dear guests, I am Mr. Roarke, your host. Welcome to Fantasy Island!”
Wednesday, August 31, 2005
Fantasy Island is a small tourist spot on an island in the South Pacific.
It was the first day of school and a new student named Pedro Martinez, the son of a Mexican restaurateur, entered the fourth grade.
The teacher said, "Let's begin by reviewing some American history.
"Who said 'Give me Liberty, or give me Death?' "
She saw a sea of blank faces, except for Pedro, who had his hand up.
"Patrick Henry, 1775."
"Very good!" apprised the teacher. "Now, who said, "Government of the people, by the people, for the people, shall not perish from the earth?"
Again, no response except from Pedro: "Abraham Lincoln, 1863."
The teacher snapped at the class, "Class, you should be ashamed!
Pedro, who is new to our country, knows more about its history than you do!"
She heard a loud whisper: "Screw the Mexicans!"
"Who said that?" she demanded.
Pedro put his hand up. "Jim Bowie, 1836."
At that point, a student in the back said, "I'm gonna puke."
The teacher glared and asked, "All right! Now, who said that?"
Again, Pedro answered, "George Bush to the Japanese Prime Minister, 1991."
Now furious, another student yelled, "Oh yeah? Suck this!"
Pedro jumped out of his chair waving his hand and shouting to the teacher, "Bill Clinton to Monica Lewinsky, 1997!"
Now, with almost a mob hysteria, teacher said, "You little shit. If you say anything else, I'll kill you!"
Pedro frantically yelled at the top of his voice, "Gary Condit to Chandra Levy, 2001."
The teacher fainted, and as the class gathered around her on the floor, someone said, "Oh shit, we're in BIG trouble now!"
Pedro whispered, "Saddam Hussein, 2003."
*Thanks, Auntie 'M'!
Be sure and cancel your credit cards before you die. This is so priceless, and so easy to see happening, customer service being what it is today.
A lady died this past January, and Citibank billed her for February and March for their annual service charges on her credit card, and then added late fees and interest on the monthly charge. The balance had been $0.00, now is somewhere around $60.00. A family member placed a call to Citibank:
Family Member: "I am calling to tell you that she died in January."
Citibank: "The account was never closed and the late fees and charges still apply."
Family Member: "Maybe, you should turn it over to collections."
Citibank: "Since it is two months past due, it already has been."
Family Member: So, what will they do when they find out she is dead?"
Citibank: "Either report her account to the frauds division or report her to the credit bureau, maybe both!"
Family Member: "Do you think God will be mad at her?"
Citibank: "Excuse me?"
Family Member: "Did you just get what I was telling you - the part about her being dead?"
Citibank: "Sir, you'll have to speak to my supervisor."
Supervisor gets on the phone:
Family Member: "I'm calling to tell you, she died in January."
Citibank: "The account was never closed and the late fees and charges still apply."
Family Member: "You mean you want to collect from her estate?"
Citibank: (Stammer) "Are you her lawyer?"
Family Member: "No, I'm her great nephew." (Lawyer info given)
Citibank: "Could you fax us a certificate of death?"
Family Member: "Sure." (fax number is given)
After they get the fax:
Citibank: "Our system just isn't setup for death. I don't know what more I can do to help."
Family Member: "Well, if you figure it out, great! If not, you could just keep billing her. I don't think she will care."
Citibank: "Well, the late fees and charges do still apply."
Family Member: "Would you like her new billing address?"
Citibank: "That might help."
Family Member: "Odessa Memorial Cemetery , Highway 129, Plot Number 69."
Citibank: "Sir, that's a cemetery!"
Family Member: "What do you do with dead people on your planet?"
*Thanks, Auntie 'M' :O)
Potato chips and french fries could soon come with a warning label in California if the state's top attorney prevails in a lawsuit filed Friday against nine fast food chains and snack-food makers.
Attorney General Bill Lockyer asked for a court order requiring McDonald's, Burger King, Wendy's, Frito Lay and other companies to warn consumers that their fries and chips may contain acrylamide, a chemical the state says causes cancer.
At least one of the companies disputes that, saying there is no evidence the substance is carcinogenic.
"In taking this action, I am not telling people to stop eating potato chips or french fries," Lockyer said. "I know from personal experience that, while these snacks may not be a necessary part of a healthy diet, they sure taste good."
But consumers should have the information needed to make informed decisions about their food, he said.
Acrylamide, a byproduct of chemicals and high heat, has been found at low levels in several foods. The lawsuit focuses on french fries and chips because they have more acrylamide than other foods, according to the Attorney General's Office.
Frito-Lay spokeswoman Lynn Markley said there was no scientific evidence that acrylamide causes cancer. She said it was counterproductive for the state to sue the companies when California regulators are setting standards for the chemical under Proposition 65, a state law that requires companies to notify the public about potentially dangerous toxins in food.
When risk levels for acrylamide were added to Proposition 65 in 1990, the chemical was generally thought of as an industrial agent, used in food packaging and to treat sewage, according to the U.S. Department of Health and Human Services.
But in 2002, a Swedish National Food Authority study reported that acrylamide occurred naturally in some starch-rich foods as a result of cooking or heat processing.
Other studies have found no link between foods containing acrylamide and a higher risk of cancer.
The U.S. Food and Drug Administration is currently assessing the chemical in food.
Representatives of several other companies named in the lawsuit did not return calls for comment. The lawsuit was filed after business hours in the Central and Eastern time zones, where the companies are located.
Teresa Schilling, a spokeswoman for the attorney general, said that if the lawsuit succeeds the office will want to discuss with the companies the size of the warning labels and where they would appear on packaging.
"We don't want the warning to be alarming or excessively large," she said. "We want it to be simple and effective, and (we'll) be flexible about how it will work with each product."
©Associated Press 2005
A man out playing golf slices off into the woods. When he goes to find the ball he discovers a witch (hat and all) stirring a cauldron. So out of curiosity he asks her what she is brewing.
"A magic potion" she replies.
"Well what is it for?" he asks.
"This potion will make anyone an excellent golfer."
At this he gets really excited and asks if he can have some. She is agreeable but warns him that it will have dire consequences on his sex life.
After a short period of soul searching he decides to try the potion. He goes back to the golf course and completes an excellent game of golf. Next he challenges the golf pro and beats him easily. He spends every possible moment of the next year playing golf at every course he manages to get to and having a wonderful time of it. After a year he finds himself back at the same course where he found the witch. Out of curiosity he slices one into the woods so he can talk to her.
"Well", she asks, "How has your game been?"
"Great! This has been the best year of my life. I have played all over the country and never lost a game."
"And how about your sex life?"
"Oh, not bad."
"Really? This stuff can really ruin a guy's sex life. Say, how many times did you have sex last year?"
"Hmmmm, it was three, no, four times."
"And you call that not bad?"
"Not for a priest with a small parish."
AT THE SAME TIME IT WOULD HIT THE ENTIRE INDUSTRY WITH A NET LOSS OF OVER 4.6 BILLION DOLLARS WHICH AFFECTS THE BOTTOM LINES OF THE OIL COMPANIES.
THEREFORE SEPTEMBER 1st HAS BEEN FORMALLY DECLARED "STICK IT UP THEIR BEHIND " DAY AND THE PEOPLE OF THESE TWO NATIONS SHOULD NOT BUY A SINGLE DROP OF GASOLINE THAT DAY. THE ONLY WAY THIS CAN BE DONE IS IF YOU FORWARD THIS IN AN E-MAIL, OR PASS ON THE "PERMANENT LINK" TO AS MANY PEOPLE AS YOU CAN AND AS QUICKLY AS YOU CAN TO GET THE WORD OUT.
WAITING ON THE GOVERNMENT TO STEP IN AND CONTROL THE PRICES IS NOT GOING TO HAPPEN. WHAT HAPPENED TO THE REDUCTION AND CONTROL IN PRICES THAT THE ARAB NATIONS PROMISED TWO WEEKS AGO? REMEMBER ONE THING, NOT ONLY IS THE PRICE OF GASOLINE GOING UP BUT AT THE SAME TIME AIRLINES ARE FORCED TO RAISE THEIR PRICES, TRUCKING COMPANIES ARE FORCED TO RAISE THEIR PRICES WHICH EFFECTS PRICES ON EVERYTHING THAT IS SHIPPED.
THINGS LIKE FOOD, CLOTHING, BUILDING MATERIALS, MEDICAL SUPPLIES ETC. WHO PAYS IN THE END? WE DO! WE CAN MAKE A DIFFERENCE. IF THEY DON'T GET THE MESSAGE AFTER ONE DAY, WE WILL DO IT AGAIN AND AGAIN. SO DO YOUR PART AND SPREAD THE WORD.
FORWARD THIS POST TO EVERYONE YOU KNOW. MARK YOUR CALENDARS AND MAKE SEPTEMBER 1ST A DAY THAT THE CITIZENS OF THE UNITED STATES AND CANADA SAY "ENOUGH IS ENOUGH"
Tuesday, August 30, 2005
(TOKYO)(AP) — A child-shaped humanoid robot that can recognize about 10,000 words and work as a house sitter will go on sale in Japan in September.
The "Wakamaru" robot can recognize the faces of up to 10 people and talk to them.
When linked to mobile phones, it can also work as a monitor to check situations at home, such as a burglary or someone falling ill, Mitsubishi-Heavy Industries Ltd. said in a statement Monday.
Mitsubishi-Heavy said it would be the first time a robot with communication ability for home use has been sold.
"This is the opening of an era in which human beings and robots can coexist," it said.
Mitsubishi-Heavy said it will start taking orders for "Wakamaru" from Sept. 16, and plans to sell 100 of the one meter tall, 30 kilogram robots at about 1.58 million yen (U.S. $14,300) for residents in central Tokyo.
The owner's schedule can be programmed in advance and Wakamaru can give a wake-up call and remind them of the day's events.
The robot will be on display at three locations in Tokyo including the company's showroom from Sept. 16.
Vespa is Italian for “wasp.”
Corradino D’Ascanio, engineer for Piaggio—an Italian transportation company that specialized in airplanes, trains, engines, and luxury cars—designed the Vespa motor scooter in 1949. Owner Enrico Piaggio exclaimed that the shape of the small vehicle looked like a wasp, hence the name Vespa. The Vespa was made popular in the United States in 1953 when Audrey Hepburn and Gregory Peck rode one in the movie Roman Holiday.
"I am Princess Vespa, daughter of Roland, King of the Druids." played by: Daphne Zuniga, in "Spaceballs - The Movie"
Green Day have won two awards at this year's Kerrang awards.
Ah, yes... Marilyn Manson - A face only a mother could love!
They were named best band on the planet and best live act.
Funeral For a Friend won best British band while My Chemical Romance picked up best album and best video.
Iron Maiden were inducted into the Kerrang! Hall of Fame and Marilyn Manson took home the Icon Award.
The prize for best single went to Foo Fighters' hit Best of You while Trivium were named best international newcomers.
System of a Down, who had five nominations, went home empty-handed reports BBC online.
This year's ceremony was hosted by Juliette Lewis, who fronts the band Juliette and the Licks and former Stereophonics drummer Stuart Cable.
London Zoo has unveiled a new exhibition - eight humans prowling around wearing little more than fig leaves.
The 'Human Zoo' is intended to show the basic nature of human beings, over the bank holiday weekend.
"We have set up this exhibit to highlight the spread of man as a plague species and to communicate the importance of man's place in the planet's ecosystem," a London Zoo spokesman said.
The scantily-clad volunteers will be kept amused with games and music.
"I actually think the fig leaves will be enough to cover us up, it's no worse than a swimming pool," said volunteer Simon Spiro, 19, from New Malden, Surrey.
Spiro, selected from dozens of hopefuls in an Internet competition, said he was excited by the prospect of monkeying around on the zoo's Bear Mountain.
"I'm a veterinary student so the idea of working for a zoo was something that appealed to me.
"I'm not worried by the fact it might be cold and rainy. I've brought pocket Scrabble in case we're bored."
1. You wear the appropriate underwear for each of your dates.
2. You understand the subtle differences between at least 20 brands of vodka.
3. You understand the immense importance of good (or bad) lighting.
4. You can be in a crowded bar and still spot a toupee from 50 yards away.
5. You can tell a woman you love her bathing suit and mean her bathing suit.
6. You can tell a woman she has lipstick on her teeth without embarrassing her.
7. No one expects you to kiss and not tell.
8. You can have naked pictures of men you know in your home.
9. You can have naked pictures of men you don't know in your home.
10. You can have naked pictures of men you don't know in your home and on your computer.
11. Unlike your women friends, you can hang out in men's locker room.
12. You understand why the good Lord created spandex.
13. You understand why the good Lord did not intend everyone to wear spandex.
14. You know the difference between a latte, cappuccino, cafe au lait and a macchiato. And if you don't, you know how to fake it.
15. You know how to get back at just about everyone.
16. Your pets always have great names.
17. Nobody expects you to change a tire.
18. You're the only guy who gets to do the "Cosmo" quizzes.
19. You know how to get a waiter's attention.
20. You only wear polyester when you mean to.
21. At any given instant, you can recite who was gay since the dawn of history.
22. You are, hands down, your nephew's and nieces' favorite uncle.
23. You get to choose your family.
24. You can tell your sexual compatibility with a potential partner by the way he holds his drink.
25. You can smile to let someone know you can't stand them.
26. You wouldn't be caught dead in Hooters.
27. You can freeze an approaching bar troll twenty feet away.
28. You're good pals with women other people can't stand.
29. You've always got an opinion, and don't mind sharing it.
30. You've read the book, seen the movie, done the musical.
31. You know how to "air kiss".
32. You know exactly which cosmetic surgery to consider having... and the perfect excuse to give people who ask where you've been for two weeks.
33. You know how to dress strategically.
34. You know when to move out and move on.
35. You are the only one at the class reunion who looks better than you did in high school.
36. You've got at least one framed picture of a pet.
37. You know that being called a "cheap slut" isn't necessarily an insult.
38. You wouldn't buy someone a mug for their birthday.
39. You know which wine to bring.
40. Sales clerks don't mess with you.
41. You have a medicine chest stocked for any occasion.
42. You never hold a grudge for longer than a decade.
43. You've just about defeated the accent you were born with.
44. You know the way to a man's heart is not necessarily through his stomach.
45. You choose the most fabulous greeting cards.
46. You know every film ever made with male frontal nudity.
47. You've got sunscreen at every conceivable SPF level.
48. You have the latest International Male catalog.
49. You wouldn't dream of dressing out of the latest International Male catalog.
50. You can be bitchy without anyone blaming it on biology.
SEATTLE, WA, United States (UPI) -- Call it tempest in a coffee pot but Starbucks is having trouble with its new quotable mugs.
The Seattle-based company said it was hoping to inspire old-fashioned coffee-house conversations when it introduced new cups bearing words of notable Americans.
But, the Seattle Times reports, at least a few of those words are sparking more discord than discussion.
For example, a national Christian women`s organization is accusing Starbucks of promoting a homosexual agenda because of a quote by author Armistead Maupin, whose "Tales of the City" chronicled San Francisco`s homosexual community in the 1970s and 1980s.
Maupin`s quote -- one of several dozen in "The Way I See It" promotion -- says his only regret about being gay is that he repressed it for so long.
Concerned Women for America, which promotes itself as the antithesis of the National Organization for Women, says most of those quoted on the coffee cups are liberal.
Copyright 2005 by United Press International