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Tuesday, September 19, 2017

Inquiring minds wanna know...

Are those YOUR Nachos?
Are these Your nachos? Or Nacho Nachos?
Or are they Nacho Nachos?"

The Peepee List

Next time you go to the public toilets you may observe one of the following types of vistors:
Calvin
Excitable Type
Pants are twisted, cannot find hole, rips pants in anger.
Calvin
Sociable Type
Joins pals for a piss whether he wants one or not.
Calvin
Timid Type
Cannot piss if anyone is watching, pretends he has been and sneaks back later.
Calvin
Noisy Type
Whistles loudly, peeps over partition to have a look at the other fellow's tool.
Calvin
Indifferent Type
All urinals being occupied, uses sink.
Calvin
Clever Type
Pisses without holding tool, shows off by adjusting tie at the same time.
Calvin
Vain Type
Undoes 5 buttons when 2 will do.
Calvin
Absent-Minded Type
Opens jacket, takes out tie, pisses in pants.
Calvin
Worried Type
Is not quite sure what he has been up to lately, makes a furtive but close inspection of tool while pissing.
Calvin
Disgruntled Type
Stands for a while, grunts, farts, tries to piss, fails, farts again and walks out muttering.
Calvin
Sneaky Type
Drops silent farts while pissing and looks at the bloke next to him.
Calvin
Sloppy Type
Pisses on shoe, walks out with flies undone, adjusts himself ten minutes later.
Calvin
Learned Type
Reads a book or newspaper while pissing.
Calvin
Childish Type
Watches bubbles at bottom of the urinal while pissing.
Calvin
Strong Type
Bangs tool on side of urinal to remove drops.
Calvin
Drunken Type
Pulls out tool, sees two, puts one away, and pisses in trousers.
Calvin
Embarrassed Type
Covers tool with both hands and pisses through fingers.
Calvin
Cock-Eyed Type
Stands in one cubical and pisses in next one.

The Pink Spotlight on Long John Baldry


Long John BaldryBackground information
Birth name John William Baldry
Born January 12, 1941
East Haddon,
Northamptonshire, England
Died July 21, 2005 (aged 64)
Vancouver,
British Columbia, Canada

Website JohnBaldry.com

John William Baldry, popularly known as Long John Baldry, (January 12, 1941 – July 21, 2005) was an English blues singer. He sang with many notable British musicians, The Pink Spotlight with Rod Stewart and Elton John appearing in bands led by Baldry at various stages of the 1960s. He enjoyed pop success in the UK where "Let the Heartaches Begin" reached No. 1 in 1967 and in Australia where his duet with Kathi McDonald "You've Lost That Lovin' Feelin'" reached No. 2 in the charts in 1980. Baldry lived in Canada from the late 1970s until his death, where he continued to make records and do voiceover work. He is known by a younger generation as the voice of Dr. Robotnik in Adventures of Sonic the Hedgehog.

Blues bands of the 1960s
Born John William Baldry in England, he grew to a towering 2.01 m (6 ft.7 in.) that resulted in the nickname "Long" John. Gifted with a deep, rich voice, he was one of the first British vocalists to sing blues music in clubs.

He sometimes appeared on Eel Pie Island, which is situated on the River Thames at Twickenham and, also at the Station Hotel in Richmond, Surrey which was one of the Rolling Stones' earliest regular gigs.

In the early 1960s, he sang with Alexis Korner's band Blues Incorporated, with whom he recorded the first British blues album in 1962, R&B at the Marquee. At various stages, Mick Jagger, Jack Bruce and Charlie Watts were members of this band while Keith Richards and Brian Jones played on stage with them, although none of those musicians played on the R&B at the Marquee album. The Rolling Stones supported Baldry in their first concert at the Marquee Club. Later, Baldry would be featured as the announcer introducing The Stones on their US-only live album, Got Live if You Want It!, in 1966.

Baldry became friends with Paul McCartney after playing a show at the Cavern Club in Liverpool in the early 1960s, leading to an invitation to play on one of The Beatles 1964 TV specials.

In 1963, Baldry joined the Cyril Davies R&B All Stars with Jimmy Page on guitar and Nicky Hopkins playing piano. He took over the group in 1964 after the death of Cyril Davies, which became Long John Baldry and his Hoochie Coochie Men featuring Rod Stewart on vocals and Geoff Bradford on guitar. Rod Stewart was recruited after Baldry heard him busking a Muddy Waters song at Twickenham railway station after Stewart had been to a gig at Eel Pie Island.

In 1965, the Hoochie Coochie Men became Steampacket with Baldry and Stewart as male vocalists, Julie Driscoll as the female vocalist and Brian Auger on Hammond organ. After Steampacket broke up in 1966, Baldry formed Bluesology featuring Reg Dwight on keyboards and Elton Dean, later of Soft Machine, as well as Caleb Quaye on guitar. Reg Dwight decided to adopt the name Elton John, taking his first name from Dean and his surname from Baldry's first name.

Solo artist
Long John's Blues 1964In 1967, he recorded a pop song "Let the Heartaches Begin" Long John Baldrythat went to number one in Britain, followed by a 1968 top 20 hit titled "Mexico", which was the official theme of the UK Olympic team in that year. "Let the Heartaches Begin" made the lower reaches of the Billboard Hot 100 in the US.

Bluesology broke up in 1968, with Baldry continuing his solo career and Elton John forming a songwriting partnership with Bernie Taupin. In 1969, Elton John tried to commit suicide after having relationship problems with a woman he was engaged to. Taupin and Baldry, who was openly gay, found him, and Baldry talked him out of marrying the woman, helping to make John more comfortable with his sexuality. The hit song "Someone Saved My Life Tonight" from Captain Fantastic and the Brown Dirt Cowboy was written about the experience.

In 1971, John and Stewart each produced one side of It Ain't Easy which became Baldry's most popular album and made the top 100 of the US album charts. The album featured the song "Don't Try to Lay No Boogie Woogie on the King of Rock and Roll" which became his most successful song in the US. John's first tour of the US was around this time. The band included, Micky Waller, Ian Armitt, Pete Sears, and Sammy Mitchell. Stewart and John would again co-produce his 1972 album Everything Stops For Tea which made the lower reaches of the US album charts. The same year, Baldry worked with ex-Procol Harum guitarist Dave Ball.

Baldry would then suffer from mental health problems resulting in his being institutionalised. The 1979 album Baldry's Out was recorded after his release.

Long John Baldry played his last live show in Columbus, Ohio, on July 19, 2004, at Barristers Hall with guitarist Bobby Cameron. The show was produced by Andrew Myers. On that occasion, John and Bobby played to a small intimate group of people. Some came from as far away as Texas to witness this blues performer. Two years previously the two had also completed a 10-venue sell-out tour of Canada together.

Television
In 1985, he lent his voice to the show Ewoks. Since then Baldry's voice has appeared in many other animated series.

Dr Ivo1989 — Salty's Lighthouse as Top Hat, Hercules and Stanley/Chooch
1989 — Dragon Quest a.k.a. Dragon Warrior
1989 — Captain N: The Game Master
1990 — Captain N & the Adventures of Super Mario Bros. 3
1990 — Madeline
1991 — Bucky O'Hare and the Toad Wars as Toad Air Marshal
1992 — Conan the Adventurer as Wrath-Amon
1993 — Adventures of Sonic the Hedgehog as Dr. Robotnik
1994 — ReBoot as Captain Capacitor (1994, 1997-1998) and Old Man Pearson (1994-1996, 1997)
1996 — Sonic Christmas Blast as Dr. Ivo Robotnik
1999 — Sabrina, the Animated Series
1999 — Toad Patrol as Mistle Toad

Canadian citizenship
After spending time in New York City and Los Angeles in 1978, Baldry chose to settle permanently in Vancouver, British Columbia, where he became a Canadian citizen. He regularly toured the Canadian west coast, as well as the U.S. Northwest. Baldry also toured the Canadian east, including one 1985 show in Kingston, Ontario, where audience members repeatedly called for the title track from his 1979 album Baldry's Out!--to which he replied, "I'll say he is!"

In 1979, he teamed up with Seattle singer Kathi MacDonald to record a version of The Righteous Brothers' "You've Lost That Lovin' Feelin", following which MacDonald became a permanent part of his touring group for the next two decades. The song made the lower reaches of the US Billboard charts but was a top 5 hit in Australia in 1980. He last recorded with the Stony Plain record label. His 1997 album Right To Sing The Blues won a Juno Award in the Blues Album of the Year category in the Juno Awards of 1997.

Death
Long John Baldry died on July 21, 2005, in a Vancouver hospital of a severe chest infection. Coincidentally, Deem Bristow, Robotnik's later voice actor had died earlier that same year.

*From Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

One Oxymoron* - There Are Two Of Them

One bright day in the middle of the night,
Two dead boys got up to fight.
Back to back they faced each other,
Drew their swords and shot each other.

One was blind and the other couldn't, see
So they chose a dummy for a referee.
A blind man went to see fair play,
A dumb man went to shout "hooray!"

A paralysed donkey passing by,
Kicked the blind man in the eye,
Knocked him through a nine inch wall,
Into a dry ditch and drowned them all,

A deaf policeman heard the noise,
And came and shot the two dead boys.
If you don't believe all my lies are true,
Then ask the blind man 'cuz he saw it too.

HYUK!

Ladies and jelly spoons, hobos and tramps,
Cross-eyed mosquitoes and bow-legged ants,
I stand before you to sit behind you
To tell you something I know nothing about.

Next Thursday, which is Good Friday,
There’s a Mother’s Day meeting for fathers only.
Wear your best clothes if you haven’t any.
Please come if you can’t; if you can, stay at home.

Admission is free; pay at the door.
Pull up a chair and sit on the floor.
It makes no difference where you sit;
The man in the gallery’s sure to spit.

The show is over, but before you go,
Let me tell you a story I don’t really know.

HYUK!
*Oxymoron

The Seven Teachings

The 7 Teachings - Click here for the explanations of them
Click on the image for an interpretation of The Seven Teachings

Monday, September 18, 2017

So That's Why!

So That's Why The Sea Tastes Salty! =)
A blue whale produces over 400 gallons of semen when it ejaculates;

BUT:

* Only 10% of the semen actually makes it into his mate.
* So, 360 gallons are spilled into the ocean everytime he unloads.

You wonder why the ocean tastes so salty....

Now you know!

Don't drink the water!

Note from Urban Legends (snopes.com):

This bit of Internet insanity has one key point running against it: it's not a photograph of a blue whale.

The star of this celebrated picture is a a genteel marine critter which is not a whale but rather a member of the shark family. Specimens of this species can grow to be 46 feet long and weigh up to 15 tons. On average, they reach about 25 feet in length.

In contrast, blue whales can grow to be 94 feet long and weigh up to 174 tons. An average one will be about 80 feet long and weigh about 120 tons.

The whale shark (like all sharks) lacks a penis, so the circled item in the photo above is not that anatomical item, no matter what it looks like. (Male sharks perform their part of the mating process with the aid of their two rod-like appendages of their pelvic fins that are rotated and inserted into the female's at mating time.)

As to what the item hanging down is, the best guess from folks who study sharks has it that part of a female shark's intestines extruded through her cloaca, probably because of the ropes cutting into her.

Regarding how much sperm a blue whale ejaculates, we've yet to encounter the researcher who would admit having studied this. Ergo, the e-mail's claims about the ejaculatory habits of this creature (400 gallons of sperm per emission, 360 of which ends up in the ocean) should be viewed as literary embellishment.

But the joke is still funny in The Wizard's opinion!

Talking Clock

Proudly showing off his new apartment to a couple of his friends late one night the drunk led the way to his bedroom where there was a big brass gong.

"What's that big brass gong for?" one of the guests asked. "It's not a gong. It's a talking clock" the drunk replied.

"A talking clock? Seriously?" asked his astonished friend.

"Yep" replied the drunk. "How's it work?" the second guest asked, squinting at it.

"Watch" the man said. He picked up a hammer, gave it an ear shattering pound and stepped back. The three stood looking at one another for a moment.

Suddenly, someone on the other side of the wall screamed "For God sake, you asshole....it's ten past three in the morning!"

"Turtles All The Way Down" by John Green

John Green is 1/2 of the VLOG Brothers. The following is from Wikipedia:

John Michael Green (born August 24, 1977) is an American author, vlogger, writer, producer, actor and editor. He won the 2006 Printz Award for his debut novel, Looking for Alaska, and his sixth novel, The Fault in Our Stars, debuted at number one on The New York Times Best Seller list in January 2012. The 2014 film adaptation opened at number one at the box office. In 2014, Green was included in Time magazine's list of The 100 Most Influential People in the World. Another film based on a Green novel, Paper Towns, was released on July 24, 2015.
John Green
Aside from being a novelist, Green is also well known for his YouTube ventures. In 2007, he launched the VlogBrothers channel with his brother, Hank Green. Since then, John and Hank have launched events such as Project for Awesome and VidCon and created a total of 11 online series, including Crash Course, an educational channel teaching Literature, History, and Science, later joined by courses in Economics, US Government, Astronomy, Politics, Philosophy, Psychology, Mythology, Sociology, Computer Science, Games, and Film History/Production.

order a signed copy! (McNally-Robinson, Canada)
click above to order in Canada

The following is the premise of the book from McNally-Robinson.com:

Turtles All the Way Down (Signed Edition)

This is a signed edition. Limited quantities available.

#1 bestselling author John Green returns with his first new novel since The Fault in Our Stars!

Sixteen-year-old Aza never intended to pursue the mystery of fugitive billionaire Russell Pickett, but there's a hundred thousand dollar reward at stake and her Best and Most Fearless Friend, Daisy, is eager to investigate. So together, they navigate the short distance and broad divides that separate them from Russell Pickett's son, Davis.

Aza is trying. She is trying to be a good daughter, a good friend, a good student, and maybe even a good detective, while also living within the ever-tightening spiral of her own thoughts.

In his long-awaited return, John Green, the acclaimed, award-winning author of Looking for Alaska and The Fault in Our Stars, shares Aza's story with shattering, unflinching clarity in this brilliant novel of love, resilience, and the power of lifelong friendship.

The Wizard has pre-orderd a signed copy. (Don't tell John, but I'm his #1 fan.... :)

Tulipan Condoms - Father and Son

Father and Son - Father doesn't always know best - at least not right away...

Balloons

life is too short to wake up with regrets.
So love the people who treat you right.
Forget about the ones who don't.
Believe everything happens for a reason.. If you
get a second chance, grab it with both hands. If it
changes your life, let it. Nobody said life would be easy,
they just promised it would be worth it.

balloons
women

Friends are like balloons; once you let them go,
you can't get them back.

Sunday, September 17, 2017

Lunch on the skyscraper...or Why Women Live Longer Than Men...


A look at work on the New York skyline circ. 1930’s!
Not much safety involved!

The title the first of the following photographs "Lunch atop a Skyscraper" or "Lunch at the top of a skyscraper" The author is Charles C. Ebbets. He is one of the more solid photographers of the world. The photographs were taken in New York, on September 29th 1932, and published in the New York Herald Tribune in the Sunday supplement of the Oct. 2nd of that year. It was taken on the 69th floor of the 70that is the GE building in the Rockefeller Center.


This is Charles Ebbets while taking some of these photographs


And this one, is another mythical photo "Resting on the girder" of 1932


Many of these images comprise the Bettmann file, founded by Otto Bettmann in 1936. It contains a collection of 11 million photographs and includes some of the best historical images of the United States. At the present time the file belongs to the Corbis company, property of Bill Gates.


*Thanks, Erwin

Bedfellows - A Short Horror

Count em!


How many triangles of any size can you find in this figure?

How many triangles of any size can you find in this figure?

Click here for the answer.

Death Date! When will you die!

Click here to see when you will die!
Click above to see when you will die!

The Wizard is already 4 years overdue. Guess I can die anytime now... ;-)
 The Wizard is already 4 years overdue. Guess I can die anytime now... ;-)